Homosexuality is not monolithic. There are various roads and causes that lead to people defining themselves as “gay” and giving in to the impulses and lifestyle. In my last blog, I talked about Mark who had mistaken friendship for homosexuality. In this blog we will look at another path.

Randy (not his actual name) came into my office several years ago. He was in his thirties, a professional in his community, and had driven a considerable distance to see me at the recommendation of a woman who lived in his town with whom I had worked several months earlier. John was raised in a conservative Christian denomination which he still attended. He was married with small children and worked in a profession that made him a very public figure. John came in and after a bit of chitchat about where he grew up and what he did for a living, he collapsed into his chair and announced that my office was his last stop.

Obviously, that phrase got my attention because it could have meant any number of things. Randy then began to tell me his story. He was raised in a good Christian home but when he was seven or eight years old a family friend had molested him. That experience filled him with confusion and shame and created a secret in his life that became a place where the enemy could work freely and without hindrance as he does in all the secret places of our lives. Randy had begun to have some homosexual experiences in high school but pushed back against the impulses. He continued to feel the contradictions in his life but married in college and had children. His wife was totally unaware of his secret struggle.

Randy told me that there were seasons in his life when he was able to manage his homosexual impulses but there were seasons when his impulses managed him. He was in one of those seasons and was obviously filled with shame as he told me about the secret liaisons he had been having with men he met online. He felt alienated from his wife, who was a great wife and mother, but for whom he felt no attraction. He believed that God hated him and that there was no way back but hoped that I could say something that would change his mind. Randy told me that if I could not give him hope about his situation he was going to leave his wife, his children, his job, his town, and his faith and fully embrace “the lifestyle” because he could no longer battle the impulses.

Randy’s first great obstacle to healing and freedom was his belief that God hated him, was repulsed by him, and would no longer have anything to do with him. After all, he had prayed “a million times” for God to take away the feelings he had for other men but those feelings had persisted. His conclusion was that God no longer heard his prayers because he was so disgusted by Randy and his secret life.

I asked Randy if he had ever heard God speak to him. He said that he believed God had spoken to him clearly once or twice in his life as he grew up and made career decisions. I asked if he were willing to let God speak to him now about his situation. He was reluctant but desperate so he agreed. We closed our eyes and I simply asked Jesus to speak to Randy and tell him how he felt about him. Within seconds, Randy began to weep and sob almost uncontrollably.

After a minute or two, I asked him what Jesus had said to him. Randy replied, “ He didn’t say anything…but I literally felt his arms around me and I know he still loves me. He’s not done with me.” That was the first necessary breakthrough for Randy because that supernatural moment with Jesus restored his hope that life might be manageable again.

The enemy loves to prompt us to sin, fill us with shame about our sin, and then whisper that God has turned his back on us because of our perversion. It usually takes more than quoting John 3:16 to overcome these lies of the enemy. It usually takes a personal experience with God to give us hope again and demonstrate that God is still there for us. Randy received that experience that afternoon in my office and it made everything else possible.

More about Randy and his victory over  a spirit in my next blog.