I was previewing a DVD on parenting by Kara Powell a few days ago and I was struck by something she said. The DVD series is entitled Sticky Faith. It is a series about helping children maintain their faith after they leave home and go to school, the military, or the workplace.
She had interviewed a number of college students who had actively been part of their church’s youth group while growing up. Statistically, nearly half of all young adults who are active in their church will leave their faith after leaving home. Powell and her team were looking for answers to the “why?” of such an exodus. One thing really stood out to her from the interviews. When asked what Christianity meant to them, a very large percentage of those college students gave an answer that never once mentioned the name of Jesus. What the interviewers discovered was that many of the students defined their faith as a set of behaviors rather than as a relationship with God.
When they were thrust into a new setting where their Christian behaviors were not valued and in which their behaviors did not win them acceptance with the “in crowd,” they jettisoned those behaviors like taking off a vest and tossing it into the corner. More importantly, when they had pursued the behaviors of the world long enough to be broken and ashamed by what they had done, they did not know how to come back to Jesus.
They didn’t know how to come back to Jesus because they didn’t know who Jesus was or what his heart was toward them. They had been immersed in rules growing up but not in relationship. They thought the behaviors were there to buy them acceptance and to please their parents. When acceptance didn’t come and when parents weren’t around, then the reason for the behaviors was gone. They didn’t know about the love of Jesus and did not have an overriding desire in their hearts to please their heavenly Father above men.
I’m afraid that many adult believers suffer from the same perception of their faith – that it is a set of behaviors that makes them acceptable to those around them rather than a life long relationship that takes priority over every other relationship they will ever have. When those behaviors don’t win them acceptance and approval at work, they compartmentalize and live out one set of values and behaviors at work and another set at church. They have the feeling that “Jesus doesn’t work for them” in the market place, at school, or in politics. When our prayers aren’t answered as we outlined them, we assume it is about behaviors or not doing enough to get God to give us our reward for good behavior. When we feel like we have been “doing all the right things” and God doesn’t “pay off” with our hearts desire, we feel betrayed. When we focus primarily on a set of behaviors rather than on a living, breathing relationship with Jesus, we will never know him because we only see him as the scorekeeper or an employer rather than a friend or father who always wants what is best for us.
It’s easy and very human to fall into the trap of viewing our faith as a set of behaviors, a list of do’s and don’ts, or rituals that we carry out to earn the approval and favor of God. When we slip into that mode we begin to slip into the school of the Pharisees who had a “form of godliness but missed the power” of a relationship with the creator of the universe. If we have a love relationship with the God who is love, then nothing is out of our reach – not because of our performance, but because of His desire to bless those he cares for. Our confidence in his love rather than our performance is the foundation of faith for all things.
So… if we ever start feeling distant from our God or catch ourselves feeling resentment because we think God hasn’t given us what we have earned by all our prayer, sacrifice, or moral living, then we have probably slipped into the “behavior’s mindset” rather than a relationship. If our children leave home thinking that their faith is a set of behaviors, they will probably wander away. If we teach them nothing else, we must teach them that Christianity is an eternal relationship with the Father through his Son Jesus Christ with both of them residing in our hearts through the Spirit.
Are there behavioral standards in that relationship? Of course there are, just as in any family or marriage. The standards exist to bless the relationship but are not the relationships in themselves. The relationship began in love and endures through love. We live up the Father’s standards because of love not to earn the love. We desperately need to teach our children that truth and we may need to remember it as well from time to time.
