As most of us already know, a person’s identity shapes the life of that individual in powerful ways – for good or for bad. What we believe about ourselves either releases us to walk through life in confidence or shackles us with a sense of impending failure. What we believe about ourselves either makes us secure in ourselves and in our relationships or insecure in ourselves and our relationships. Our identity or self-image allows us to anticipate being loved and accepted by others or keeps us from believing that others can ever love us – including God himself.

We could go on, but most of us are well schooled in the ramifications of self-image. Sense the 1960’s the world of psychology, counseling, and education has emphasized the issue. However, the world has failed in its efforts to create positive identities in children through participation trophies and schools without failure. They have created children who have not discovered who they are through struggles and they have not attached the values of hard work and achievement to the idea that each child is “special.” This model of making sure children never lose at anything, fail at anything, or miss out on anything has created a generation of spoiled children incapable of being productive, resilient adults who are eventually forced to live in the real world.

In one sense it is true that every person is special and certainly valuable. Every individual on the planet is made in the image of God and has been made for a unique purpose with unique gifts and temperament.  However, the idea that we get rewarded just because we show up or just because our name was on the roster (even if we didn’t show up), violates God’s law of sowing and reaping – you get out of something what you put into it.

That principle is one of God’s great inventions. It is a principle that operates in both the natural and the spiritual realm. It teaches us the value of good decisions, the pain of bad decisions, excellence in what we do, and the destructive nature of sin and laziness. Without this principle we are like individuals with severe neuropathy who have no feeling in their feet. Without feeling, those men and women can’t enjoy the pleasures of hot water or soft clover nor can they feel a piece of glass or a thorn pierce their foot. Without the pain, they won’t know that injury has occurred and that treatment is needed. Infection may set in and a minor injury can become a major health crisis. Bad decisions that produce hurtful consequences send a message of pain to the brain and we have the potential to learn to avoid a bad decision the next time – maybe even a soul-threatening decision.

The positive self-image model currently exercised in America is based on performance rather than on who a person is. The assumption that losing a game or receiving a failing grade will destroy someone’s self-esteem is simply wrong. Self-esteem comes from the discovery that who I am and my value is not based on performance (or the illusion of performance), but on being a child of God and the character that identity instills in me. We must lose in order to discover that we don’t always have to win in order to be loved and valued. We have to suffer hardship to become resilient in a world that won’t treat us as an entitled person unless it is to make us dependent on the one giving the awards. We have to learn to work hard and excel because in the real world we won’t receive a raise or a promotion just for showing up at the office. We have to learn that our performance does not establish our value, although our actions will determine other outcomes in our lives.

In the kingdom of heaven, identity is what keeps us on track. It is not an identity based on behavior or performance but on who we are in Christ. For years, the church has tried to shape and grade its people through the grid of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. That is performance-based identity and leaves the impression that God also accepts us or rejects us on the basis of our behaviors. But the message of grace is just the opposite. We are loved, accepted, and valued because of what Christ has done, not what we have done. Our value is established by whose we are not by what we can do.

In the kingdom, my identity dictates my behaviors rather than my behaviors dictating my identity. When I have a clear identity, I live and behave a certain way because of who I am and who my father is. Life is simply about being a follower of Jesus and a child of God and living up to that I am rather than trying to succeed or avoid failure in order to have value.

My self-talk is very important in this arena. Instead of talking to myself about my behaviors, I need to talk to myself about who I am in Christ. Beating myself up for sinful behaviors does not change me at the core. In fact, it usually undermines my identity. Scripture says that Christ became sin for me that I might become the righteousness of God. How can I become the righteousness of God if I constantly define myself by my sins? Taking on a new identity changes me at the core and my behaviors follow.

That’s why it is so important to divorce ourselves from the idea that our worth and value are based on our performance. Your special standing with God did not come as an entitlement to keep you from feeling bad about yourself. It was earned by Jesus for you at a great cost to him. We work hard, then, and strive for excellence as Christians, not to be loved, but because we are loved and want to be like the one who loves us.

An interesting study was done about dieters several years ago. The research showed that those wanting to stay on a diet did better or worse according to their language. A person who would say, “I can’t eat chocolate” did not fare as well as the person who said, “I don’t eat chocolate.” The first group was focused on avoiding a behavior. The second group made not eating chocolate part of his or her identity. In your struggle to overcome sin, a greater focus on who you are in Christ will produce much better outcomes in the long run than focusing on sin. That is true when it comes to helping our children or other adults become the person God wants them to be as well. Food for thought today.