A number of years ago a young single woman named Cheree (not her real name) came to my office wanting to talk about some spiritual issues in her life. She was not a member of our congregation but had attended several events at our church and I had gotten to know her by name. She was a schoolteacher, very bright, and very faithful in her church.

I asked her what she wanted to talk about and she told me immediately that God didn’t seem to be answering her prayers anymore. She was frustrated and confused. Cheree told me that she had always had a powerful prayer life and was used to God answering her prayers in amazing ways but over the past few months she felt as if her prayers were just hitting the ceiling and falling to the floor. She was concerned about the shift in her spiritual life and hoped I had some insights that might help her get back on track.

I asked Cheree what she had been praying for lately that was seemingly not getting through to God. I was prepared to talk about God’s timing and his working behind the scenes and not to be discouraged but to keep asking, seeking, and knocking. But then Cheree told be what her prayer focus had been lately. Without hesitating she told me that she had been involved with a married man for several years. Her prayer had been that he would leave his wife and children and marry her so they could live happily ever after. Okay… for a moment I was grasping for a pastorally professional response. Cheree was bewildered with God and frustrated because he was not answering her heart-felt pleas.

After a moment, I asked Cherie why she thought God should answer that particular prayer. She then stated a theological position that I suspect many of us subscribe to from time to time. She said, “God should answer my prayer because he wants me to be happy and that would make me happy.” We talked about her theology and went on to explore the meaning of adultery and God’s unwillingness to participate in our sin while leaving a wife and three small children abandoned. It was interesting to watch the lights come on when we talked about her sin. It was as if Cheree had never considered the implications of her desires. For her it felt good so it must be good.

Cheree was also operating on an unstated premise that God’s sole commitment to us is to make us happy. In the kingdom of God, however, holy must come before happy and sanctified must come before satisfied. Paul tells us, “For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Rom.8:29). God’s primary commitment to us is not to make us happy, as we understand it in our immaturity, but to make us into the image of Jesus. Being “conformed” usually requires some bending, shaping, stretching, and sometimes hammering. Like diamonds it involves time, pressure, heat and often a Father’s discipline. Ultimately, the work of God in our lives will bring happiness but it rarely comes in the form we first imagined.

The idea that if God loves me he will give me everything I want is very childlike – not in the good sense of innocent and trusting, but in the self-centered sense of a two-year old demanding his way and being angry at his parent if he doesn’t get it. If we are honest, we all have a bit of a two-year old inside of us. God works on us with an eternal perspective while we tend to operate in the here and now and seek immediate gratification even in spiritual things. Sometimes we do get that immediate answer and an amazing miracle where God manifests his goodness for us in a singular event. But more often God manifests in a process that takes time and even effort on our part.

That is because process is usually more formative than an event or even an impartation because process develops character. I remember Renee, the wife of a former senior pastor at Mid-Cities, saying with a laugh, “ I don’t want to have to work for it, I just want an impartation.” We all laughed, but secretly I’m with her – I just want an impartation. But God is wiser than that. Too often, if God were to give us the desire of our heart as soon as we asked for it, we would not have the character to manage the gift or the blessing. We would mess it up or misuse it.

So, does God want us to be happy? Yes, God wants us to be happy but not just for a brief season until “the new” wears off of our latest toy. He wants us to possess joy and possess happiness but that comes after the shaping and the molding of our hearts. I’m not saying you shouldn’t ask for what you desire but first of all examine that desire of your heart to see if it lines up with God’s values and purposes. Ask him to reveal the areas of growth he wants to work on next in your life and invite him to do the work and cooperate when he does it.

God is a great coach. When I ran track in high school, what I wanted and what would make me happy on a daily basis was an easy workout, finishing early, and a pat on the back for a job not done. That would make me happy in the short run but that happiness would quickly fade. The coach had something else in mind – the joy that would come from winning the race at the next meet and the race after that and the race after that. The joy and satisfaction that would come from a career of winning with medals in the display case would far out weight the happiness of an easy workout. So…we didn’t get easy workouts. We went home late not early and there was always one more lap.

There is a cost to lasting happiness. So when God says no or not yet don’t despise him. When you face hardships that are not quickly settled but that you must endure, know that God is making you into a champion who will one day possess joy and happiness rather than always seeking it in the “next new thing” you desire. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Heb.12:1).