On several occasions, Paul spoke of being a spiritual father to other believers – those he had not only brought into the faith but had helped grow up in the faith. To the church at Corinth he wrote, “Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel” (1 Cor. 14:15). In addition, he often spoke of Timothy as his true son in the faith.
Paul knew that making disciples did not stop at the “sinner’s prayer,” but continued in a relationship of teaching, encouraging, and sometimes correcting. As a culture, America has lost her fathers. Half of all children will grow up in a single parent family during part or all of his or her childhood. Research indicates that the identity of most children is formed from the father. His opinion of a child carries much more weight than even a loving mother’s opinion. If the father speaks and acts in ways that communicates value and significance for a child, that child will grow up with a healthy sense of self and self -worth. If the father is abusive, critical, or absent the child will grow up with sense of defectiveness and inadequacy. God has created us in such a way that a father is the primary parent for communicating identity, safety, and security to a child. It’s just the way it is.
Kris Vallotton shares a story that underlines this reality. “Curses are the powerful and painful cost of absent and broken covenants. I know this firsthand…After the death of my father, my mom gave birth to my little brother Kelly, the son of my first stepfather. Their marriage disintegrated when Kelly was five years old. After their divorce, Kelly’s dad would call drunk, about once a month to exercise his visiting rights. He would say, ‘I’m going to pick Kelly up at 5:00 tonight.’ Kelly would be so excited to go see his dad that he would be packed early in the morning. He would take his little suitcase and sit out on the front porch, usually an hour or two early. He would sit there hour after hour whether he was in the blazing son or in the freezing cold winter. He would wait outside late into the night…He would fall asleep on top of his little suitcase and I would pick him up and carry him to bed…This pattern continued for years, resulting in deep wounds and a broken heart” (Kris Vallotton, The Supernatural ways of Royalty, p. 132-133; Destiny Image). Kris goes on to say, “The same condition is prominent in the Kingdom. Much like my little brother who was not fathered, we in the Church have given birth to children and then left them fatherless and trying to survive on their own. Jesus never intended for us to maker Christians but rather to make disciples”
I know your first response might be to say “No way.” But think about it. Hundreds of churches teach their members how to share their faith and bring someone to Jesus by leading them through the sinner’s prayer. Then they tell them they love them and go on as if that is all there is. Many times we bring these “spiritual newborns” into the kingdom of God and then immediately leave them to fend for themselves. The great majority of those who are not discipled in a continuing relationship will soon slip back into the world. I have read follow-up studies on all the great Billy Graham crusades of the past where people packed into stadiums to hear this famous man preach.
Through the years, tens of thousands went forward to be “counseled” by a stranger who led them in their confession of faith with an encouragement to go find a great church. The majority didn’t know what a great church was nor were they connected to believers who continued to walk with them. Follow-up research discovered that only a tiny fraction of those men and women continued in their faith. Most slipped back into the world they knew.
Those just born again need spiritual parents in the faith who continue to sow into that man or woman imparting value, identity, and spiritual life skills. They especially need men to sow into their lives but spiritual mothers make a huge impact as well. Parenting is inconvenient most of the time. It is costly and time consuming. It requires loving someone on days when you don’t even like him or her. There will be days when you bandage spiritual scrapes and cuts and days when you wonder if that newborn will ever grow up. But, in time, with the right investment, they will grow up and become spiritual parents on their own.
We need men and women in churches all over America to step up and be parents to new or immature believers. The kingdom is not about programs or sheer numbers, but about relationships. Jesus taught us to identify God as our Heavenly Father, first and foremost. It’s not complicated. For the most part it is spending time with that new believer, speaking spiritual greatness into his or her life, praying with them, imparting values by example, taking them with you to serve, and talking about the things of the Kingdom.
If you are not already being a spiritual parent or mentor to someone, you may feel that no one would want you to be a spiritual mother or father to him or her. What I have found is that a fatherless world is clamoring for someone to be a father or a mother – to value them and to believe in them even if they are already forty years old. If nothing else, just let your pastors know that you are willing to invest in a new believer. Invite a new believer to your home for a meal and start a conversation. Invite a long time believer who hasn’t matured much to your home or your group and ask that person if he or she wants to get on an accelerated growth curve. Commit to give them a year of meeting on a regular basis, doing Bible study together, serving together in a ministry, speaking greatness over them, and answering lots of questions about faith and life. Doing life together is God’s way of making disciples much more than attending another class or reading another book.
Most of the brokenness in the world comes from father wounds. Those wounds will not be healed without the touch of our Heavenly Father through spiritual parents in the church. Without a mentor or a spiritual parent, our growth in the Lord becomes years of trial and error with lots of opportunities for the enemy to capitalize on our mistakes. Like children without a biological father or mother, we can spend years trying to discover who we are and wondering about out true value in the world or the church – usually looking for love in all the wrong places.
If you are that new believer or an immature believer truly wanting to grow in the Lord, ask someone you know and admire to give you some time to help you grow and discover who you are in Christ. Even breakfast or lunch, once a month for a year could be invaluable. The relationship you establish over those twelve months will last a lifetime and bless both of you in innumerable ways. If the first person you ask is too busy, don’t take it as rejection. They may, in fact, be too busy to take on another relationship at this time and do it justice. Ask God to connect you with just the right person for your growth and development and trust that he will. You may also join a small group and find a group to mentor you rather than just an individual. God wants none of his children to be orphans. Don’t be too proud to ask for help and don’t be too busy or insulated to offer it. God delights in those who are fathers to the fatherless.
