When you get into the business of helping people deal with their brokenness through counseling, prayer, and deliverance, you are never more like Jesus.  However, there is a side effect to going down that road.  As you choose to help people deal with their wounds and their pasts, more and more broken folks will show up in your life. Broken people know broken people, and if you are caring and helpful, they will send others your way. Undoubtedly, God will be entrusting some of these individuals to you so that you can dispense his grace in their lives.

Let me warn you, however, that Satan will also deposit some of these folks in your life.  Those individuals will have the uncanny ability to suck the life out of you for months and months and distract you from some very important things that God has ordained for you.  Many of us that are drawn to healing ministries have a spiritual gift of mercy and compassion.  That’s the way it should be. But sometimes, that mercy gift morphs into a “rescuer” theme that develops in our lives and we can find ourselves in bondage to a mindset that feels responsible for the well-being of every victim or broken person we encounter.

In itself, being a rescuer is very Christ-like. After all, Jesus came to seek and save the lost.  That sounds like rescue work.  I would agree, but Jesus also set some very healthy boundaries around his rescue missions. You should as well. He displayed some of those when he went to the Pool of Bethesda and asked the lame man, “Do you want to be healed?”  Whenever we are working with broken people, that is a question we need to keep in mind. The truth is that not everyone wants to be healed, although everyone says they do.  Some do want to be healed but do not want to do any work to get to that place.  They want you to heal them and then want you to take up their mat and carry it for them.

Over the years, in our ministry at Mid-Cities, we have settled on a position that clearly states, “If you want to change, you have to do the work.”  Our belief is that when it comes to healing and freedom, God won’t do the work for us but he is more than happy to do it with us.  When Israel finally made it to Canaan, God could have cleared the land of Israel’s enemies with one sweep of his hand. He could have sent plagues, a band of destroying angels, or displayed any number of other supernatural acts to drive the tribes from the land.  Instead, he required Israel to go to battle.  He would lead them and assure their victories, but they still had to endure the hardships of warfare.  They had to face the enemy, check their faith, and swing the sword.  In doing so, their character was refined and their relationship with God was enhanced.

People who want their lives to be transformed have to fight some battles.  Our job is to equip them to fight and, at times, fight along with them. But our goal should be to equip them to engage with God and defeat the enemy on a daily basis or simply make better choices in the future.  Those who fall into the trap of becoming a rescuer tend to make the individuals they are rescuing dependent on them  – their wisdom, their gifts, and their resources. Part of the trap may be that the cycle may feel good to the rescuer because he or she see is making a difference in the life of a person and also because he or she enjoys the gratitude and admiration of those they are rescuing.  However, they are not teaching them to fight and they are not teaching them to depend on Jesus.  Everyone needs to be rescued from time to time, but when being rescued becomes a lifestyle for broken people, there is something wrong.

My wife Susan has a very wise saying when it comes to ministry to broken people. She says, “If you are doing more work than they are, something is wrong.” What you notice about Jesus is that his compassion met people where they were, but he did not leave them there.  He didn’t beg people to follow him or stay in one place long to make sure people followed through on his prescriptions for life. He pointed them to God, gave them godly counsel, got them started and then let them be responsible for their next steps.

There are those who truly want to change and are ready to do the work.  Invest in them.  There are others who want you to fix them and their life, but won’t do their part. They want God to magically change their hearts, their minds, and their circumstances while they sit and watch. God doesn’t work that way and neither should we. Let that person contact you when he or she is actually ready to do the work.  Others don’t really want to change, but simply love the attention and care they get as person after person pours into them without seeing much progress. That person needs to repent. And still others, want you to take away their pain but don’t want to give up some sin in their lives that has created the pain. They simply want you to rescue them from the consequences of their actions without changing their behaviors or choices. These too need to repent.

When you have begun to minister to a person who needs healing and freedom, you may have to carry most of the load initially. But that person should soon begin to make progress.  He should be engaged in the fight.   She should be in the word and in prayer.  That person should also make your appointments on time and consistently and must be willing to start aligning his or her life with God’s word and his commands.

Too often, our mercy gift kicks in and we keep meeting, keep rescuing, keep rescheduling for weeks and months because we feel responsible to “save the person.”  It is often necessary to remember that Jesus is their Savior, not us. Too often we enable irresponsible behavior and allow them to continue to see themselves as helpless victims who always need a hero to rescue them from the dragons in their lives.  Too often we keep them from experiencing the very consequences that would have been their best teachers.  God does not require that we fix broken people.  That is his job.  Our job is to give them godly counsel, point them to Jesus, and equip them to live as children of the king if they are motivated to do so.  We are to be responsible to them, but not for them.

As hard as it is, there are times when we just have to cut someone loose to whom we have tied ourselves because we realize we are trying to plant God’s seed in poor soil. No real fruit is being produced. The soil may improve over time, but for the moment, there are better investments for the wisdom, experience, mercy, and gifts God has entrusted to your stewardship.

I think we need to see ourselves as mentors or coaches rather than rescuers.  As we enter into a mentoring or coaching relationship with a broken person, we need to kindly and gently set expectations for growth and the work they need to be doing in order for authentic change to take place. That person should know that our goal is to make him/her dependent on Jesus, not on us and for them to become mature in their faith.  Growth and change will be an expectation in order for us to continue to disciple them. If it becomes apparent that you are working with a person who does not want to change or is not ready to change, you can still love them but you don’t have to pour into them.  We are certainly not requiring perfection.  After all, Jesus had to display a great deal of patience with the twelve who often seemed like spiritual knuckleheads, but they were on a growth trajectory and their hearts truly desired to be men who pleased the Master. I also suspect Jesus has had to be patient with us and give us second chances. But if the person you are pouring into is not displaying change or doing the work over a period of time, you may need to invest in someone else.

I’m not really writing this to instruct you in mentoring, as much as I am wanting to encourage you to avoid the rescuertrap and to even give you permission to cut yourself loose from unfruitful relationships that are keeping you from investing in other relationships that will bear great fruit and give you life rather than sucking life from you.  Remember, God sends some people your way, but so does Satan. A wise person will learn to discern who wants to be healed and who truly doesn’t.