Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Ephesians 4:29-31
If we were to take a survey at any church and ask the members what they considered to be “unwholesome talk” they would most likely identify unwholesome as coarse or sexual language. In his statement to the church at Ephesus, however, the apostle Paul seems to include a much wider range of spoken things than that. From the scripture above, we might conclude that Paul thought of unwholesome talk as anything that tore down or diminished a person rather than building him or her up.
That view seems to be confirmed by the list of things Paul commands us to jettison from our lives…bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander, and every form of malice. Malice means to hold ill-will or spitefulness toward another person. So, things we might blurt out in anger or words we might share over coffee that slandered another person’s reputation or character (gossip) would fall under the umbrella of unwholesome words. Put-downs, constant criticism, or sarcasm would also find their way into this category of words that tear down rather than building up.
The gist of the command is that we should be a people whose words constantly build up the people around us and that call out the best in them. To do less grieves the Holy Spirit who lives within us. Unwholesome words grieve the Spirit because they are contrary to his character and his nature. In a world of hurt, our words should always be a source of healing. The wise man said, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Prov. 12:18). James said it this way, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?” (Ja.3:9-11). Salt water kills living plants and humans while fresh water brings life. Our words should impart life because our God is a God of life.
Words matter because they have the power to build up or tear down. The heart of God is to build up and the to call out the destiny and greatness he has placed inside every human being. Whatever your emotional or relational struggles are in life they usually relate to early experiences of rejection, constant criticism, abuse, or fear. Most of that came in the form of words. Words can wound or words can heal. God calls on us to be encouragers, healers, comforters, and those who build up the people that the world has torn down. Anything short of that falls in the category of unwholesome and honestly constitutes sin. David declared, “I have resolved that my mouth will not sin” (Ps. 17:3). We should resolve the same.
If you want to change the world around you or even want to change yourself, you may want to start with your own words. Examine your words. In one sense, our heart determines our words but in another sense our words affect our hearts. It is a two-way street. The things we speak consistently eventually are written on our hearts. Speak as God would have you speak and you will become more like God in your heart. Speak life not death; encouragement rather than criticism; greatness rather than failure; and words that always build up rather than tearing down. Your words have impact for good or for evil. You choose the fruit that your words produce.
(Thoughts on blessing and cursing in Friday’s blog.)
