Like most people, whenever I am travelling in an unfamiliar area, I often look for some kind of landmark as a reference point so that I can have some idea of where I am in relation to where I have been.  In a city, it might be a tall building.  In the country, it might be a water tower in the distance or a prominent mountain.  When I look back at the reference point, I can know if I am going generally in the right direction or if I have somehow gotten turned around.  We need reference points as we navigate life.

For a believer, the kingdom of God is our reference point. As long as we have our eyes on Jesus and are moving toward the kingdom of God, we know we are in a good place.  The New Testament declares that we are now citizens of heaven.  Paul declares, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body” (Phil. 3:19-21).

Many believers live as if the kingdom of heaven is somewhere in their future when they begin to walk on streets of gold. Their primary reference point for living is this world, rather than the kingdom of God. We can tell when that is the case by the things that we focus on and identify with.  For instance, if my primary focus and identity is found in a political party, then my reference point for living is in this world and in the natural realm.  If I think of myself first as a Democrat or a Republican and judge or categorize those around me in those terms, then I have given up a kingdom perspective for an earthly perspective.  

It’s not just politics.  If I desire to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company more than I desire to be a faithful follower of Jesus, then my reference point for living is this world, its values, and its ways.  If my primary identity is tied up in sports, music, the arts, or my career, then I am missing out on the privileges as well as the responsibilities of kingdom citizenship. 

If I think of myself as a citizen of this world now and the kingdom of heaven later, it will limit what God can do through me.  I think the perfect example of those opposing mindsets is found in the account of Jesus “feeding the five thousand” in John 6.  Jesus was preaching around the Sea of Galilee and great crowds were following him. As great numbers of men, women and children settled in on a hillside to hear his teaching, Jesus asked Philip where they could buy bread to feed all those folks.  

Phillip and the rest of the twelve were taken back when he even suggested that they should feed the crowds.  These solid citizens of earth did the quick math.  Phillip announced that it would take more than six months wages to provide just a bite for each person in the crowd.  Andrew had done a quick inventory in the crowd and found only five small barley loaves and two fish.  They announced that the situation was hopeless because the resources simply weren’t available.  There reference point for living was the natural realm.

Jesus, however, saw no such limitations.  His reference point for living was the kingdom of God in which there are infinite resources available to its citizens.  There are no shortages in heaven.  With that perspective, Jesus gave thanks, broke the bread and fish they had into pieces and had the apostles begin to pass out the food.  When it was over, thousands of people had been fed until they were satisfied and twelve baskets full of surplus food were taken up afterwards.  

As a citizen of heaven, Jesus did not fear shortages, storms, or even his enemies.  Remember, he accessed heaven as a man not as God. On several occasions, he rebuked his followers because they had no faith in the provision or protection of heaven, because the world (the natural realm) and its limitations was their reference point. Jesus functioned in this world as the Son of Man.  That means that whatever he did by faith, we can also do and whatever withdrawals he made from heaven are available to us as well. 

One of the most transforming things we can do in our lives is to shift our primary identity from being a citizen of this planet to being a citizen of heaven.   Remember that we are to pray, “on earth as it is in heaven.” As citizens of heaven, we have the privilege of establishing the culture of heaven on earth which means that everyone has enough, everyone has health, everyone has peace, everyone has purpose, and so forth.  We can only do that, however, if we know who we are and what is available to us from the throne of God.  Ask God to give you that perspective.

God’s Purposes for Forgiveness

Sometimes, we feel as if God is being unfair when he commands us to forgive those who have betrayed and wounded us.  We feel as if he wants to give our adversary a free pass while we are left to reap what they sowed into our lives.  The truth that we need to cling to is that God has a father’s heart for us and his commands always lead us to the greater blessing.  He is also a just God, who will inevitably deal with the wrongs and inequities of this world (see Psalm 73). As we wrap up this series, I want to focus on God’s true purposes for forgiveness so that we might br more willing to surrender to his commands.

1. He wants to develop the heart of Christ in us so that we are free to give love and receive love.  Unforgiveness tends to close the door to love as we learn to distrust everyone and close our hearts to them…even those who have never hurt us.  He forgiving heart gives no room to then devil.

2.   Forgiveness minimizes our pain and releases us from that past..We do not have to relive a hurtful moment over and over in order to keep our anger    alive. 

3. It frees us from the past.   Our thoughts are not anchored in the past on our woundedness,  so we can focus on our future with hope. Unforgiveness takes emotional energy.  It drains us as we continue to reflect on our pain and those who hurt us.  We often make decisions based on how the hurtful person might react to what we do rather than on the basis of what is best for us or our family.  Unforgiveness continues to give the perpetrator power over our lives.  We organize our lives around what they did, what they might do again, or what we might do to them.

Too often, we become the thing we hate because we become what we focus on in life. Forgiveness sets us free from that trap. It frees us from the one who has hurt us. When we forgive, our obsession with that person diminishes.  We no longer make decisions based on how he/she might respond or how it might affect that person.  Instead, we can make decisions based on what is best for us and those we love and what pleases God.

4. Forgiveness keeps us from poisoning our own well as our anger, distrust, and bitterness will inevitably spill over onto the ones we love, damaging our current relationships.

5. Forgiveness allows us to look at ourselves and the hurtful situation objectively so that we may learn and grow.  In nearly every situation, we made contributions to the problem.  We all know people who move from relationship to relationship, never recognizing the pattern in their own life that keeps wrecking relationships. As they blame others for their failings, they will never grow though those issues and will never truly find the relationship they long for.

6. Forgiveness creates the possibility that the relationship may be reconciled and that it might be a blessing in the future. We are all imperfect and will inevitably fall short in out relationships.  Forgiveness allows the relationship to continue and grow and even become stronger in many cases.

7.  Forgiveness fosters love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.  (1 Cor. 13:4-8)

Take note of the phrase, “keeps no record of wrongs.”  That is forgiveness.  The idea is that we don’t keep an accounting of every failing and don’t assign a payment to each disappointment.  If we keep an account, we will either rehearse the bad moments so often that we loose sight of any positive qualities in the person or relationships and will garner an attitude that wants the other to pay up on the perceived wrongs. That will eventually destroy a relationship.   In addition, it will discourage the other person who may be working hard to grow and change because they will sense that whatever they do will never be enough.

8. Forgiveness keeps God’s forgiveness available to us.  God wants to be merciful but he is also just.  Our unforgiveness allows Satan to bring that charge against us in the courts of heaven so that God cannot simply dismiss our unforgiveness. Our decision to forgive allows God to extend his grace as he desires,  Until we forgive, the Judge cannot justly dismiss the charge.

9. Forgiveness prevents Satan from establishing footholds and strongholds in our hearts and in our children’s heart . 

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not  give the devil a foothold. (Eph 4:26-28) 

 For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”  (Acts 8:23) 

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to  cause trouble and defile many.  (Heb 12:15-16) 

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.   (2 Cor. 10:3-6)

Satan desires to establish a foothold or stronghold in our hearts so that they become poisoned with bitterness, anger, and resentment.  Forgiveness closes the door to the enemy and  again allows us to give love and receive love as God desires.

10. Forgiveness allows God to fulfill his role as Judge toward those who have wronged us and takes us out of that risky position.

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  (Rom 12:19) 

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. ( Matt 7:1-2)  

Ultimately, we need to trust that the commands of the Father are always in our best interest even if it sometimes seems counterintuitive.  He wants to bless his children and have them walk in freedom.  Because we live in a fallen world filled with broken people, we will have multiple opportunities to forgive.  It will always bless you and those you love to submit to the Father and imitate the Son to do so.

Understanding Unforgiveness

Quote:  Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison, believing that it will make the other person sick. (Source unknown)

We often refuse to forgive and continue to hold onto our anger, resentment, and bitterness because it fulfills a function for us.  Typically, we haven’t consciously articulated its function, but nearly all persistent behavior continues because we believe it is in our best interest. At least, at an emotional level, our unforgiveness seems very justified in our own eyes.

Reasons for Holding on to Unforgiveness

• We may believe that unforgiveness will protect us from the perpetrator or others who would harm us since we will not let that person (or others) come close to us again as long as we are angry or bitter. Our unforgiveness is seen as a wall of protection.

• Our anger and resentment may make us feel justified as we place all the blame for what has happened on the hurtful person.  By doing so, we don’t have to examine ourselves or take any responsibility for the situation that resulted in our being hurt.  We may use blame and the resulting unforgiveness to justify ourselves, minimize our issues, or deny our contributions to the hurtful situation.

• We may believe that our anger and unforgiveness punishes the other person for what they did to us as we lash out or withhold loving behaviors from that person.  We believe the “punishment” we have chosen is a deterrent to that person hurting us again. We believe our continuing punishment will “force the other person to change.”

• We may believe that as long as we have not forgiven the hurtful person, God will not forgive that person and so justice will be accomplished.  We fear that if we forgive him/her, God will forgive that individual and he/she will never have to face the consequences of their evil acts.

• We may believe that forgiveness would send a message that what was done was not such a big deal after all. We believe our unforgiveness will send a clear message that the action on the part of the hurtful person was significant and unacceptable so that he won’t act in that way again.  It is our way of putting an exclamation point on our wounds.

The Faulty Thinking and Deception of Unforgiveness

1. Forgiveness does not mean that we must allow hurtful or evil people to keep hurting us. We can release a debt while also setting boundaries so that a hurtful person does not have free access to our lives any more.  We can keep them at bay with wisdom and healthy boundaries rather than with walls of anger and bitterness due to unforgiveness. For instance, you can cancel a debt out of mercy, but you do not have to loan money again to the same irresponsible person.  You can forgive without becoming an enabler of wrong behaviors. We can protect ourselves through wisdom rather than anger and bitterness.

2. We often contribute to situations that become hurtful.  By placing all the blame on the other person, we cannot learn, grow, or change in areas that would benefit us and those we love in the future.

3. Often, our anger and unforgiveness do not actually hurt or punish the other person. They may not care that we continue to hurt. They may actually take pleasure in seeing us act out our continuing pain as it still gives them power and control over us. In addition, they often use our continuing anger, rage, or punishing behaviors to justify their own  actions… “See why I had to leave her…she’s crazy!”

4. Our forgiveness or unforgiveness does not determine God’s response towards that person.  If the hurtful person has truly repented, then God forgives whether or not we do.  If that person hasn’t repented, then God will respond to him on the condition of his heart, even if we have forgiven.  Forgiving a hurtful person, does not get him or her off the hook with God.  It gets us off the hook.

5.   If we want people to know how deeply we have been hurt by what they have done, we should clearly tell them, rather than trying to communicate that through punishing behaviors.   
(Matt. 18: 15-17)

Reflection / Discussion

• Which of these reasons for unforgiveness have you ever used to justify continuing anger or resentment toward people in your life?
• What do you believe your continuing anger, bitterness, resentment and distrust cost you or is continuing to cost you in your emotional health, spiritual health, and relationships?
• Why do you think God wants you to forgive those who have wounded you?  What blessings can come to those who forgive?

Next Week:  God’s Purposes and Blessings in Your Life for Forgiveness

We have been talking about the necessity and the act of forgiveness in which we decide and declare that we freely release someone from their debt to us.  Forgiveness is also a process.  Our decision to forgive is an act of obedience to God. That first step of forgiveness is a decision of the will not of our emotions.  That step takes away the enemy’s legal right to afflict us.  

When Jesus tells us to love our enemies, he is not telling us to like them, approve of them, or have warm fuzzy feelings toward them.  He commands us to agape our enemies which means to “act in their best interest” or “to act in a redemptive way” toward them.  He is calling us to make decisions to act in the eternal best interest of our enemies, regardless of how we feel. That is a decision of the will because we have the capacity to choose our decisions, but not always our emotions.  

However, God does not leave it there. The second part of forgiveness is a process of bringing our emotions in line with our decision to release the judgment of the matter to God.  The key is found in Luke 6.  There Jesus says:

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. 

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love yourenemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your father is merciful. 

In this section of Luke’s gospel, Jesus reveals the real key to letting go of the past.  It is not enough to refrain from making others pay for what they did to us, we must also choose to do good, even while they are still doing harmful things to us.

Our emotions will only follow our decisions after some time has passed.  Typically, we will decide to no longer require payment for wrongs done to us, long before our emotions agree with that decision.  Our emotions will follow only after God’s Spirit has moved in our hearts, and after we have consistently chosen to act positively toward those who have hurt us.   We may have to recommit to the process on numerous occasions.  Our motivation is to duplicate in our own lives the mercy that has been extended to us by God.

As we choose to bless those who curse us, do good to those who did us harm, and pray for those who mistreat us, our hearts change.  All I can say is that when we are obedient in this matter, God does a work in our hearts.  As we are obedient, we begin to see the people who hurt us in a different light.  We remember that our struggle is not truly against flesh and blood (people) but against spiritual powers (the devil).  We begin to see their brokenness and the way the devil oppresses and uses them rather than seeing them as the true enemy.  

Praying for our enemies softens our hearts so that bitterness doesn’t take root. Doing good to them is participating in the triumph of good over evil and we draw closer to Jesus because we are being more like him.  Again, our prayers, blessings, and doing good may or may not bring about blessings for them, but they will definitely bring about good for us.

Anger, bitterness, and resentment limit our ability to give love and receive it from others.  Those negative emotions hinder our ability to trust and to draw near to others – even those we want to love.  They hinder our capacity for intimacy and often spill out on those we are closest to, which pushes them away and ultimately robs us of the love we desperately want..  Forgiveness truly frees us from the pain we carry from our past and the bondage we have to bitterness or the crippling fear of being hurt again.  

If that is so, why do so many believers hold onto unforgiveness even though we are commanded to forgive and even though we may understand the benefits at a rational level?  I believe that we hold onto unforgiveness because we believe it will protect us from being hurt again.  We hold on out of fear.  Next week we will look at the reasons we hold on and expose the deception in those strategies to keep us from further pain.