Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life.  Philippians 2:14-16

As we continue to minister freedom and healing in our area, I am constantly confronted with the reality that a great number of people who are saved and forgiven are still bound up in addictions, depression, anger, fear, suicidal thoughts, condemnation, and more. Even without any real reflection, that seems wrong. As we minister to believers in other parts of the country, we see and hear the same thing, so it is not just a West Texas anomaly. 

These Christians have a sense that their struggles are simply to be their unchanging lot in life. Their experience has been that “their church” is powerless to help them other than with prayers that seem to make little difference and encouragement that is appreciated but fades away.  Their churches have sent them into the community to find professional counselors or twelve-step groups and they have not experienced any lasting transformation. They often live in broken relationships or have left a solid trail of those relationships behind them. In a sense, they fear the future because it may even be worse than today.

In many ways, these men and women are no more free than the unsaved men and women in their community. If you put them in a room with an equal number of unbelievers and had them talk honestly about their struggles, you might not be able to tell God’s children from the lost.  That is not God’s intention nor is it what Jesus died for. In the passage from Philippians at the beginning of this blog, Paul clearly is making a case that those who follow Jesus, who have been born again, and have the Spirit of Elohim living in them should stand out in the world like stars against the night.  He declared to the church at Corinth that, “the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.”  Power is needed to defeat the agents of darkness that torment and to heal deep, gaping wounds from the past before we can become the light of the world. When we say all the right things but display no power, we are not reflecting the kingdom of God.

Through the years, I have talked to several individuals who had been part of witches’ covens or satanic cults.  When I asked them what had drawn them to the “dark side,” the answer was that their lives had been out of control and they were looking for something that could give them a sense of power, control, and security.  They had not found that in Christian churches, so they looked for it in darkness.  These men and women had not failed us, we had failed them.

Of course, we always hear that Christians should not be chasing the miracles but should be chasing Jesus.  Certainly, we can get caught up in the power gifts and supernatural manifestations, but miracles were part of the fabric of Jesus’ ministry and the early church.  Wherever Jesus was, miracles were also present.  Why should it be different today?

A gospel that only gets us to a place of forgiveness but does not radically free us and change us so that we stand out in contrast to our culture is not the gospel that Jesus preached nor demonstrated. If you are part of a church that preaches the Bible, but never displays the power of Jesus Christ in healings, deliverance, prophetic words, and radically transformed lives, then the Bible may be preached but is not being understood.  Stars stand out in stark contrast to the darkness around them. That is the Savior’s desire for his people.  I see it daily in the lives of those who have experienced his power.  So let me encourage you to not accept a powerless gospel.  Seek what you see on the pages of the New Testament.  Those pages were recorded to show what the Christian life should look like, not what it only looked like for a few…long., long ago.

Inevitably, people who have no clear sense of purpose in their lives succumb to depression, restlessness, vague feelings of anxiety, and fatigue.  The fatigue is typically caused by emotional emptiness. Nothing excites them.  Nothing gets them up in the morning.  Life and even relationships become monotonous and each day seems to lose its brightness.

Several years ago, I heard a leading marriage and family therapist say that, in order to be happy and fulfilled, couples must be part of something bigger than themselves and bigger than their marriage.  The same is true for individuals.  Self-focus is a dead end.  At some point, we realize that all the applause, all the purchases, all the trips, all the award shows, and even all the sex and romance, are only drugs that make us feel high and significant for a few hours.  We eventually discover that all that drains away overnight.  In the morning we feel insignificant again. 

Too many Americans are part of nothing bigger than themselves.  The selfie-tsunami on social media is indicative of that.  How many are promoting the smallest details of their lives in some effort to feel significant – week after week?  Again…self-focus is a dead end. It’s counterintuitive, but the key to feeling good about life and about yourself is to shift your focus from self to others and to something bigger than yourself.   One of my favorite authors through the years has been Philip Yancey.  There are a couple of paragraphs in his book, The Jesus I Never Knew, that caught my attention years ago and I roll it out every now and then on this blog because I think his point is so important.  Let me share it with you now.

 “My career as a journalist has afforded me opportunities to interview ‘stars,’ including NFL football greats, movie actors, music performers, best-selling authors, politicians, and TV personalities. These are the people who dominate the media. We fawn over them, pouring over the minutiae of their lives: the clothes they wear, the food they eat, the aerobic routines they follow, the people they love, the toothpaste they use.  Yet I must tell you that, in my limited experience, I have found…our ‘idols’ are as miserable a group of people as I have ever met.  

Most have troubled or broken marriages. Nearly all are incurably dependent on psychotherapy.  In a heavy irony, these larger-than-life heroes seem tormented by self-doubt.

I have also spent time with people I call ‘servants.’ Doctors and nurses who work among the ultimate outcasts, leprosy patients in rural India. A Princeton graduate who runs a hotel for the homeless in Chicago. Health workers who have left high-paying jobs to serve in a backwater town of Mississippi, relief workers in Somalia, Sudan, Ethiopia, Bangladesh, and other repositories of human suffering. The Ph. D’s I met in Arizona, who are now scattered throughout jungles of South America translating the bible into obscure languages. 

I was prepared to honor and admire these servants, to hold them up as inspiring examples.  I was not prepared to envy them. Yet as I now reflect on the two groups side by side, stars and servants, the servants clearly immerge as the favored ones, the graced ones. Without question, I would rather spend time among the servants than among the stars: they possess qualities of depth and richness and even joy that I have not found elsewhere. Servants work for low pay, long hours, and no applause, ‘wasting’ their talents and skills among the poor and uneducated. Somehow, though, in the process of losing their lives they find them.”

The people Yancey speaks of are men and women who have chosen to be part of something greater than themselves because they count their cause as greater than themselves.  Their lives have purpose beyond the next selfie, the next purchase, and the next cruise.  Jesus points us to that same reality when he says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” and when he says. “Those who lose their life for my sake, will find it.”  There is no greater purpose than serving Jesus and fulfilling the call of the kingdom in your life.  We are called to share the good news, alleviate the suffering of the poor, correct injustice, heal the brokenhearted and set captives free. We are called to be servants. 

Again, the way to find happiness and fulfillment is counterintuitive…get your mind off yourself and onto  the needs of others.  Pursue the call of Jesus. Find your purpose in the destiny Jesus has written for you. Choose servanthood over self-indulgence.  Sacrificing for others is the heart of the gospel and actually is the foundation for the abundant life Jesus promised.   

Sometimes, I need a reminder.  Perhaps, you do too.

I’m reading through Deuteronomy again.  It’s been a while because I, like many Christians, tend to focus on New Testament writing.  However, Paul told Timothy, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:16-17). When Paul reminded Timothy of that truth, most of the “scripture” available was the Old Testament.  We should not neglect the Old Testament.  We are not bound to the Law of Moses but in the pages of the O.T. there is a huge amount of revelation about how God deals with men and nations and how he deals with his covenant children.  Those principles are extremely important to know since God is unchanging.

One of the things that my reading in Deuteronomy is reminding me of is the danger of thinking that a casual commitment to the things of God is “good enough.”  Certainly, grace covers our weaknesses and even failures, but the issue is found more in our attitude than in our actions.

God is looking for a people who are sold out to him.  Scripture is filled with promises and cautions for God’s people. These are often stated together and declare something like, “If you are careful to keep all my commandments, you will prosper in the land.”  Notice that the blessings of God are conditional on a heart that desires to be pleasing to God in everything.  I don’t think God is concerned about those who struggle with sin in their lives nearly as much as those who don’t struggle against the sin in their lives. We often walk in a sin that we somehow rationalize as something “God understands.” But God calls us to holiness or, at least, to a heart that sincerely desires it even though we fail from time to time. God calls us to carefully keep all his commandments.

That principle is not a legalistic approach to God or just the flavor of the Old Covenant.  Jesus made some pretty extreme demands on those who would be a disciple. “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple” (Lk.14:26-27). Jesus is not telling us to literally hate anyone because we are to love even our enemies.  But what he is saying is that if we have to choose between him and anything or anyone else, we must choose him and reject the other.  If we love anyone or anything more than Jesus, we have stepped into the realm of idolatry.

Idolatry was the great sin that God warned Israel about over and over. God declares, “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments” (Deut.5:8-10). 

We typically read that command and dismiss it because we don’t have shrines in our homes to foreign gods.  But if we pursue anything more than God, we are submitting to a form of idolatry.  If I consistently give more attention, more loyalty, more love, more thought, or more priority to anything other than God, I have become an idolator.  

Think of it this way.  Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment” (Matt.22:37).  When we love something or someone else more than God, we are functionally committing idolatry.  Love is not always an emotion.  It is often a choice. Simply put, do I choose God or something else that draws my affections away from God?

Again, this is a matter of the heart.   When couples first fall in love, they think about the relationship all the time.  They call.  They rearrange their schedule to spend time with one another.  They think about small gifts that express their affection.  They long to be in each other’s presence.  They put each other’s needs before their own.  They try hard to please the one they love and have no interest in the affections of another…if their love is genuine.  That is the kind of heart, God wants from his people.  If either of them begins to place their affections elsewhere, the relationship is in trouble.   So it is, with God.  His love never strays, but ours has a tendency to do so.

Here we come back to our aspirational values versus our actual values.  We may declare our love for God (aspirational), but the proof is in our choices (actual).  I can’t tell you how often I have heard believers profess their faith and love for God when their lifestyle is little different from the lifestyle of unbelievers except for occasional church attendance.  These believers often choose immoral relationships, partying with friends every weekend, their favorite recreation, etc. over time with God and their spiritual family.  Their Facebook page documents their choices every day.  If you ask them to serve, they just don’t have the time…but they have time for the things they really value.  Of course, somethings aren’t so obvious.  Our desires, our thought life, our choices of what we watch or listen to, etc. aren’t as apparent, but can be just as indicative of a heart that only chooses God when it is convenient and doesn’t cost us anything. 

Idolatry creates a throne in our hearts for Satan and neither he nor God is willing to share the throne.  The difference is that God asks, even pleads, and presents the truth for us to choose.  He always calls us to those things that bless and redeem. Satan, however, calls us to lies and deception and eventual destruction.  For those who profess Jesus, but withhold parts of their lives from his lordship, there is often a real delusion operating that they are loving and serving Jesus. Satan provides a perfect rationalization for everything in their lives outside of God’s will. 

That is why David wisely asked God to search his heart and show him if there (Ps. 139:24) were any things in his life or his heart that were misaligned with the will of God.

What I see in my own life, as well as the life of others, is a contemporary attitude that says if I’m giving God some of the things he asks for, that is good enough. Then I’m careful not to think about my obedience too much because I might find I am out of sync with his will in several areas that I’m not sure I want to surrender this week. That is simply foolishness on my part because an attitude like that keeps me from many of the things God wants to bless me with and open the door for the destroyer to come in like a cancer.

As Israel was preparing to enter the promise land after forty years of wandering in the desert, Moses admonished them when he said, “See, I have taught you decrees and laws as the Lord my God commanded me, so that you may follow them in the land you are entering to take possession of it. Observe them carefully, for this will show your wisdom andunderstanding to the nations, who will hear about all these decrees and say, “Surely this great nation is a wise andunderstanding people.” What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the Lord our God is near us whenever we pray to him? And what other nation is so great as to have such righteous decrees and laws as this body of laws I am setting before you today?” (Duet. 4:5-8).

God is not interested in getting our left overs or an obedience that it is just “good enough.”  He wants our whole heart so we can receive all that he has for us and so that we can fully fulfill our destiny that he has written in his book (Ps. 139:16).  The truth is that when we shortchange God, we are really shortchanging ourselves.  

Lord give us a heart that loves you without reservation.

Like most people, whenever I am travelling in an unfamiliar area, I often look for some kind of landmark as a reference point so that I can have some idea of where I am in relation to where I have been.  In a city, it might be a tall building.  In the country, it might be a water tower in the distance or a prominent mountain.  When I look back at the reference point, I can know if I am going generally in the right direction or if I have somehow gotten turned around.  We need reference points as we navigate life.

For a believer, the kingdom of God is our reference point. As long as we have our eyes on Jesus and are moving toward the kingdom of God, we know we are in a good place.  The New Testament declares that we are now citizens of heaven.  Paul declares, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body” (Phil. 3:19-21).

Many believers live as if the kingdom of heaven is somewhere in their future when they begin to walk on streets of gold. Their primary reference point for living is this world, rather than the kingdom of God. We can tell when that is the case by the things that we focus on and identify with.  For instance, if my primary focus and identity is found in a political party, then my reference point for living is in this world and in the natural realm.  If I think of myself first as a Democrat or a Republican and judge or categorize those around me in those terms, then I have given up a kingdom perspective for an earthly perspective.  

It’s not just politics.  If I desire to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company more than I desire to be a faithful follower of Jesus, then my reference point for living is this world, its values, and its ways.  If my primary identity is tied up in sports, music, the arts, or my career, then I am missing out on the privileges as well as the responsibilities of kingdom citizenship. 

If I think of myself as a citizen of this world now and the kingdom of heaven later, it will limit what God can do through me.  I think the perfect example of those opposing mindsets is found in the account of Jesus “feeding the five thousand” in John 6.  Jesus was preaching around the Sea of Galilee and great crowds were following him. As great numbers of men, women and children settled in on a hillside to hear his teaching, Jesus asked Philip where they could buy bread to feed all those folks.  

Phillip and the rest of the twelve were taken back when he even suggested that they should feed the crowds.  These solid citizens of earth did the quick math.  Phillip announced that it would take more than six months wages to provide just a bite for each person in the crowd.  Andrew had done a quick inventory in the crowd and found only five small barley loaves and two fish.  They announced that the situation was hopeless because the resources simply weren’t available.  There reference point for living was the natural realm.

Jesus, however, saw no such limitations.  His reference point for living was the kingdom of God in which there are infinite resources available to its citizens.  There are no shortages in heaven.  With that perspective, Jesus gave thanks, broke the bread and fish they had into pieces and had the apostles begin to pass out the food.  When it was over, thousands of people had been fed until they were satisfied and twelve baskets full of surplus food were taken up afterwards.  

As a citizen of heaven, Jesus did not fear shortages, storms, or even his enemies.  Remember, he accessed heaven as a man not as God. On several occasions, he rebuked his followers because they had no faith in the provision or protection of heaven, because the world (the natural realm) and its limitations was their reference point. Jesus functioned in this world as the Son of Man.  That means that whatever he did by faith, we can also do and whatever withdrawals he made from heaven are available to us as well. 

One of the most transforming things we can do in our lives is to shift our primary identity from being a citizen of this planet to being a citizen of heaven.   Remember that we are to pray, “on earth as it is in heaven.” As citizens of heaven, we have the privilege of establishing the culture of heaven on earth which means that everyone has enough, everyone has health, everyone has peace, everyone has purpose, and so forth.  We can only do that, however, if we know who we are and what is available to us from the throne of God.  Ask God to give you that perspective.

God’s Purposes for Forgiveness

Sometimes, we feel as if God is being unfair when he commands us to forgive those who have betrayed and wounded us.  We feel as if he wants to give our adversary a free pass while we are left to reap what they sowed into our lives.  The truth that we need to cling to is that God has a father’s heart for us and his commands always lead us to the greater blessing.  He is also a just God, who will inevitably deal with the wrongs and inequities of this world (see Psalm 73). As we wrap up this series, I want to focus on God’s true purposes for forgiveness so that we might br more willing to surrender to his commands.

1. He wants to develop the heart of Christ in us so that we are free to give love and receive love.  Unforgiveness tends to close the door to love as we learn to distrust everyone and close our hearts to them…even those who have never hurt us.  He forgiving heart gives no room to then devil.

2.   Forgiveness minimizes our pain and releases us from that past..We do not have to relive a hurtful moment over and over in order to keep our anger    alive. 

3. It frees us from the past.   Our thoughts are not anchored in the past on our woundedness,  so we can focus on our future with hope. Unforgiveness takes emotional energy.  It drains us as we continue to reflect on our pain and those who hurt us.  We often make decisions based on how the hurtful person might react to what we do rather than on the basis of what is best for us or our family.  Unforgiveness continues to give the perpetrator power over our lives.  We organize our lives around what they did, what they might do again, or what we might do to them.

Too often, we become the thing we hate because we become what we focus on in life. Forgiveness sets us free from that trap. It frees us from the one who has hurt us. When we forgive, our obsession with that person diminishes.  We no longer make decisions based on how he/she might respond or how it might affect that person.  Instead, we can make decisions based on what is best for us and those we love and what pleases God.

4. Forgiveness keeps us from poisoning our own well as our anger, distrust, and bitterness will inevitably spill over onto the ones we love, damaging our current relationships.

5. Forgiveness allows us to look at ourselves and the hurtful situation objectively so that we may learn and grow.  In nearly every situation, we made contributions to the problem.  We all know people who move from relationship to relationship, never recognizing the pattern in their own life that keeps wrecking relationships. As they blame others for their failings, they will never grow though those issues and will never truly find the relationship they long for.

6. Forgiveness creates the possibility that the relationship may be reconciled and that it might be a blessing in the future. We are all imperfect and will inevitably fall short in out relationships.  Forgiveness allows the relationship to continue and grow and even become stronger in many cases.

7.  Forgiveness fosters love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.  (1 Cor. 13:4-8)

Take note of the phrase, “keeps no record of wrongs.”  That is forgiveness.  The idea is that we don’t keep an accounting of every failing and don’t assign a payment to each disappointment.  If we keep an account, we will either rehearse the bad moments so often that we loose sight of any positive qualities in the person or relationships and will garner an attitude that wants the other to pay up on the perceived wrongs. That will eventually destroy a relationship.   In addition, it will discourage the other person who may be working hard to grow and change because they will sense that whatever they do will never be enough.

8. Forgiveness keeps God’s forgiveness available to us.  God wants to be merciful but he is also just.  Our unforgiveness allows Satan to bring that charge against us in the courts of heaven so that God cannot simply dismiss our unforgiveness. Our decision to forgive allows God to extend his grace as he desires,  Until we forgive, the Judge cannot justly dismiss the charge.

9. Forgiveness prevents Satan from establishing footholds and strongholds in our hearts and in our children’s heart . 

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not  give the devil a foothold. (Eph 4:26-28) 

 For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”  (Acts 8:23) 

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to  cause trouble and defile many.  (Heb 12:15-16) 

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.   (2 Cor. 10:3-6)

Satan desires to establish a foothold or stronghold in our hearts so that they become poisoned with bitterness, anger, and resentment.  Forgiveness closes the door to the enemy and  again allows us to give love and receive love as God desires.

10. Forgiveness allows God to fulfill his role as Judge toward those who have wronged us and takes us out of that risky position.

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  (Rom 12:19) 

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. ( Matt 7:1-2)  

Ultimately, we need to trust that the commands of the Father are always in our best interest even if it sometimes seems counterintuitive.  He wants to bless his children and have them walk in freedom.  Because we live in a fallen world filled with broken people, we will have multiple opportunities to forgive.  It will always bless you and those you love to submit to the Father and imitate the Son to do so.

Understanding Unforgiveness

Quote:  Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison, believing that it will make the other person sick. (Source unknown)

We often refuse to forgive and continue to hold onto our anger, resentment, and bitterness because it fulfills a function for us.  Typically, we haven’t consciously articulated its function, but nearly all persistent behavior continues because we believe it is in our best interest. At least, at an emotional level, our unforgiveness seems very justified in our own eyes.

Reasons for Holding on to Unforgiveness

• We may believe that unforgiveness will protect us from the perpetrator or others who would harm us since we will not let that person (or others) come close to us again as long as we are angry or bitter. Our unforgiveness is seen as a wall of protection.

• Our anger and resentment may make us feel justified as we place all the blame for what has happened on the hurtful person.  By doing so, we don’t have to examine ourselves or take any responsibility for the situation that resulted in our being hurt.  We may use blame and the resulting unforgiveness to justify ourselves, minimize our issues, or deny our contributions to the hurtful situation.

• We may believe that our anger and unforgiveness punishes the other person for what they did to us as we lash out or withhold loving behaviors from that person.  We believe the “punishment” we have chosen is a deterrent to that person hurting us again. We believe our continuing punishment will “force the other person to change.”

• We may believe that as long as we have not forgiven the hurtful person, God will not forgive that person and so justice will be accomplished.  We fear that if we forgive him/her, God will forgive that individual and he/she will never have to face the consequences of their evil acts.

• We may believe that forgiveness would send a message that what was done was not such a big deal after all. We believe our unforgiveness will send a clear message that the action on the part of the hurtful person was significant and unacceptable so that he won’t act in that way again.  It is our way of putting an exclamation point on our wounds.

The Faulty Thinking and Deception of Unforgiveness

1. Forgiveness does not mean that we must allow hurtful or evil people to keep hurting us. We can release a debt while also setting boundaries so that a hurtful person does not have free access to our lives any more.  We can keep them at bay with wisdom and healthy boundaries rather than with walls of anger and bitterness due to unforgiveness. For instance, you can cancel a debt out of mercy, but you do not have to loan money again to the same irresponsible person.  You can forgive without becoming an enabler of wrong behaviors. We can protect ourselves through wisdom rather than anger and bitterness.

2. We often contribute to situations that become hurtful.  By placing all the blame on the other person, we cannot learn, grow, or change in areas that would benefit us and those we love in the future.

3. Often, our anger and unforgiveness do not actually hurt or punish the other person. They may not care that we continue to hurt. They may actually take pleasure in seeing us act out our continuing pain as it still gives them power and control over us. In addition, they often use our continuing anger, rage, or punishing behaviors to justify their own  actions… “See why I had to leave her…she’s crazy!”

4. Our forgiveness or unforgiveness does not determine God’s response towards that person.  If the hurtful person has truly repented, then God forgives whether or not we do.  If that person hasn’t repented, then God will respond to him on the condition of his heart, even if we have forgiven.  Forgiving a hurtful person, does not get him or her off the hook with God.  It gets us off the hook.

5.   If we want people to know how deeply we have been hurt by what they have done, we should clearly tell them, rather than trying to communicate that through punishing behaviors.   
(Matt. 18: 15-17)

Reflection / Discussion

• Which of these reasons for unforgiveness have you ever used to justify continuing anger or resentment toward people in your life?
• What do you believe your continuing anger, bitterness, resentment and distrust cost you or is continuing to cost you in your emotional health, spiritual health, and relationships?
• Why do you think God wants you to forgive those who have wounded you?  What blessings can come to those who forgive?

Next Week:  God’s Purposes and Blessings in Your Life for Forgiveness

We have been talking about the necessity and the act of forgiveness in which we decide and declare that we freely release someone from their debt to us.  Forgiveness is also a process.  Our decision to forgive is an act of obedience to God. That first step of forgiveness is a decision of the will not of our emotions.  That step takes away the enemy’s legal right to afflict us.  

When Jesus tells us to love our enemies, he is not telling us to like them, approve of them, or have warm fuzzy feelings toward them.  He commands us to agape our enemies which means to “act in their best interest” or “to act in a redemptive way” toward them.  He is calling us to make decisions to act in the eternal best interest of our enemies, regardless of how we feel. That is a decision of the will because we have the capacity to choose our decisions, but not always our emotions.  

However, God does not leave it there. The second part of forgiveness is a process of bringing our emotions in line with our decision to release the judgment of the matter to God.  The key is found in Luke 6.  There Jesus says:

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. 

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love yourenemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your father is merciful. 

In this section of Luke’s gospel, Jesus reveals the real key to letting go of the past.  It is not enough to refrain from making others pay for what they did to us, we must also choose to do good, even while they are still doing harmful things to us.

Our emotions will only follow our decisions after some time has passed.  Typically, we will decide to no longer require payment for wrongs done to us, long before our emotions agree with that decision.  Our emotions will follow only after God’s Spirit has moved in our hearts, and after we have consistently chosen to act positively toward those who have hurt us.   We may have to recommit to the process on numerous occasions.  Our motivation is to duplicate in our own lives the mercy that has been extended to us by God.

As we choose to bless those who curse us, do good to those who did us harm, and pray for those who mistreat us, our hearts change.  All I can say is that when we are obedient in this matter, God does a work in our hearts.  As we are obedient, we begin to see the people who hurt us in a different light.  We remember that our struggle is not truly against flesh and blood (people) but against spiritual powers (the devil).  We begin to see their brokenness and the way the devil oppresses and uses them rather than seeing them as the true enemy.  

Praying for our enemies softens our hearts so that bitterness doesn’t take root. Doing good to them is participating in the triumph of good over evil and we draw closer to Jesus because we are being more like him.  Again, our prayers, blessings, and doing good may or may not bring about blessings for them, but they will definitely bring about good for us.

Anger, bitterness, and resentment limit our ability to give love and receive it from others.  Those negative emotions hinder our ability to trust and to draw near to others – even those we want to love.  They hinder our capacity for intimacy and often spill out on those we are closest to, which pushes them away and ultimately robs us of the love we desperately want..  Forgiveness truly frees us from the pain we carry from our past and the bondage we have to bitterness or the crippling fear of being hurt again.  

If that is so, why do so many believers hold onto unforgiveness even though we are commanded to forgive and even though we may understand the benefits at a rational level?  I believe that we hold onto unforgiveness because we believe it will protect us from being hurt again.  We hold on out of fear.  Next week we will look at the reasons we hold on and expose the deception in those strategies to keep us from further pain.

The Biblical Concept of Forgiveness

In Part 1 of this series, I mentioned that many followers of Jesus walk in unforgiveness towards those who wronged them in some way in their past.  They either are unaware of the command to forgive, misunderstand the nature of biblical forgiveness, or feel that their situation is the exception.  This is such a critical matter that I wanted to spend a few weeks clarifying this essential part of the believer’s life. 

As we consider what Jesus and the writers of the New Testament have to say about forgiveness, we learn that it is both an event and a process.  Many of the stories Jesus told to demonstrate the principle of forgiveness take the form of financial debts being owed and those debts being cancelled.  As an event, forgiveness is simply a decision of the will to forgive a debt.  It is a decision to no longer require payment for an actual wrong done to us as well as a decision to release the judgment of those who have wronged us to God.

In Matthew 18, Jesus paints a picture of the very nature of forgiveness as seen from the perspective of heaven. 

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents‍ ‍was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.” The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. ‍ He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.”   But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 

When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.  (Matt. 18:21-35)

The core idea of forgiveness is to release a debt.  It is not an act that minimizes the debt, denies the debt, or excuses the one who owes the debt.  It recognizes that a debt beyond measure has been cancelled on our behalf, and so we must be willing to do the same for others…even when they have not repented or asked for our forgiveness.   

Forgiveness is not primarily a decision of the emotions.  Initially, we will likely still carry some measure of anger, feelings of betrayal and victimization. In spite of our feelings, forgiveness is a decision of the will to no longer act in ways that make the person who hurt you pay for what he or she did. We cannot command our emotions, but we can choose to act in certain ways or refrain from acting in certain ways by a decision of the will.  We can choose how we think about another person or what we say about another person, even if our emotions are not always aligned with those actions and thoughts.

Until we forgive, we often attempt to make these individuals “pay” through our hurtful behaviors, which may include …

1.   Angry outbursts directed at the hurtful person.

2.   Withdrawal of loving behaviors or interaction from the one we believe wronged us.

3.   Gossip or slander that attempts to damage the reputation and relationships of the “hurtful” person with family members, co-workers, church members, etc.

4.   Hurtful actions motivated by a desire for revenge in an attempt to “even the score.”

5.  Constantly bringing up a past wrong in an accusing way months and years after it happened.

6.  Praying against the person or speaking curses over him/her.

7.   Etc.

Again, the first step, which is an event, is to make a decision to release the debt owed to you.  That decision means you will no longer act in ways designed to make the other person pay for what he or she has done.  You do this as a decision and as a declaration that the debt is cancelled in the name of Jesus.  Doing so acknowledges your motivation for forgiving the debt and affirms what Jesus has done for you.  Along with this, you commit to no longer act in hurtful ways towards those who have hurt you.  

Paul spoke about this in his letter to the Romans.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.   Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.   On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.  Romans 12: 17-21

Notice that this section of scripture instructs us to act in loving or caring ways even towards “our enemies,” while assuring us that God will still deal with evil.  We simply turn judgment over to Him rather than acting as judges ourselves.  As we release judgment to God, we also release ourselves from the bitterness and anger we must keep alive as we try to punish those who wounded us.  

We may or may not overcome evil in the other person by our goodness or kindness, but we overcome the effects of evil in our own hearts by our forgiveness. As we forgive, we release the poison of our hurt and anger so that bitterness, self-pity, and vengeance do not take root in our own hearts.  That anger and bitterness will eventually spill over into our other relationships – even those that are important to us.

Many years ago, I counseled a woman who had been severely abused and terrorized by her ex-husband.  She had married again. She acknowledged that her second husband was a wonderful man, but she would fly into rages and cut him deeply with her words for seemingly no reason at all. The marriage was on the brink of collapse when she came to see me.  It didn’t take long to recognize that her problem was that she had not forgiven her first husband and was releasing her anger and bitterness toward him on her second husband on a daily basis. She quickly recognized what was happening, but couldn’t seem to help herself because she would not forgive her abusive husband.  Not only did she not want to forgive him, but declared in no uncertain terms, “I hope he burns in hell for what he did to me!”   There is a better ending that I swill tell you about later.  

There is always a blessing found in our obedience to God, even if it seems counterintuitive. Here is the blessing found in forgiving those who have wounded us.  Forgiveness releases us from our need to make the offending person pay their debt and allows us to lay aside the pain that we continue to keep alive as we constantly remember the hurt.  Until we forgive, we are tied to our past and tied to those who wounded us.  

In many ways, we continue to allow them to control us as our anger, bitterness, and desire for revenge tie us to them…even after their death.  We become prisoners of our own unforgiveness.  God wants to release us from that control by taking healing the hurt and presiding over the judgment of that wrong, so it no longer is a significant thread in our lives.  In many cases, forgiveness is for our benefit much more than for theirs.  Of course, it may open the door for reconciliation of a relationship, but even if it doesn’t, we can step into our future untethered to the past because we allow God to preside over the matter rather than us.  The first stage of forgiveness then is an event in which we choose to release the debt…not because our betrayers deserve it, but because the one who died for us, deserves it. 

Discussion / Reflection:  

Who are you still tied to in your past because you have not released the judgment and the matter to God?

How has your continuing bitterness and anger affected your happiness and important relationships through the years?

How would your life be better, if you never again had to think about the event or the person who wounded you?

How do you think your unforgiveness toward someone or even some organization has opened the door in your life for Satan to afflict and torment you?

How will you shut that door?

Next Week: The Process of Forgiveness

As Christians, I think that we often believe that other followers of Jesus understand the necessity to forgive those who have betrayed them and so they have actually done so.  However, every time we do a Freedom Weekend, I discover that many, many Christians have not forgiven those who have wronged them…even though God says he will not forgive our sins unless we forgive those who have wronged us.  Unforgiveness not only lets the devil in, but restricts the blessings and answered prayers that God desires to give us.

Any unforgiveness we carry, is always an open door for the enemy to disrupt our lives.  Because of that, I feel compelled to do a short series on forgiveness and the freedom we can find personally by obeying the Lord is this essential matter.  I want you to treat this as a kind of personal study and inventory of your own life regarding forgiveness.  You might even do a mini-study with a small group and explore some of the Discussion/Reflection questions about forgiveness with others. 

I have also discovered through the years that many believers are confused about biblical forgiveness. Sometimes we think we have forgiven someone when we haven’t and, at other times, we think we haven’t forgiven someone when, perhaps, we have.  Knowing the biblical definition of forgiveness and understanding why we sometimes choose not to forgive can be helpful in being obedient in this matter.  Practical steps in knowing how to move from bitterness to forgiveness can also be very helpful.  We will discuss all of this in the next few weeks on this blog. 

Freedom Through Forgiveness

The New Testament has a great deal to say about forgiveness.  The two following texts are a sample and should be very sobering to any of us who have been careless with forgiveness.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  Matthew 6:14-15

Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger, his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. Matthew 18:32-35

Discussion / Reflection:  Spend some time responding personally to these questions or discussing them with a friend(s). 

• How would you define forgiveness?   
• Do you think it is fair for God to insist that you forgive people who have hurt you or keep hurting you? Why or why not?
• For you personally, why is it sometimes hard to forgive?
• Is there ever a time to withhold forgiveness?
• Does forgiving a person require that you let that person back in to your life?

God’s Way to Freedom

Christ doesn’t command us to do something that he himself has not done.  He commanded forgiveness as he taught the crowds in Palestine, but then gave us the ultimate example when he was hanging on a cross – having been unjustly accused, brutalized, and sentenced to death.

When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals-one on his right, the other on his left.  Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  Luke 23:33-34

Notice that Jesus did not forgive Israel because the leaders had come to him asking for his forgiveness.  The leaders of the Jews felt totally justified in what they had done.  Yet Jesus forgave them and prayed for the Father to do the same.  That is the heart of God and so he calls on us to forgive others…not because they deserve it, but because He has done that for us.  The following scriptures reflect the biblical theme of forgiving those who have hurt us.

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matthew 6:12 

 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.   Matthew 18:21-22 

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.   Mark 11:25 

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.   Colossians  3:13-14 

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.   Luke 6:37 

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

Discussion / Reflection:  What is your emotional response to those commands?

For many of us who have been wounded and betrayed by others, we feel ourselves pushing back against God in this matter.  Something feels wrong about releasing people from the wrongs they have done.  When we think about forgiving, we feel vulnerable. We feel as if God is minimizing our pain or invalidating our suffering.  We feel as if justice has been ignored.  We are afraid that forgiveness will open the door to them hurting us again. But, a look at the biblical concept of forgiveness will help us see the wisdom and blessing that come to us through releasing the debt that these people owe us.

Next Week:  The Biblical Concept of Forgiveness

At my church in Midland/Odessa, we offer an eight-week class called Free Indeed and an all-day Saturday activation designed to heal wounds from the past and break bondage from the enemy.  The second week of the class is designed to teach us how to hear God.  We put that class upfront because much of our healing and much of our freedom depends on hearing God speak to us.

As you know, all things in the kingdom come to us by grace, but that grace is often activated by an expression of faith.  How often did Jesus say, “according to your faith”?  One of the verses that nearly every Christian knows is, “So then, faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God” (Rom.10:17).  Those who discipled me as a young Christian believed that verse meant that faith comes through Bible study.  Of course, Bible study is essential, but that would mean that faith comes from reading the word rather than hearing the word of God. 

Generally speaking, there are two Greek words that are translated “word’ in reference to a communication from God.  The first is logos.  It typically refers to the written word of God or the revealed word of God for all men – the scriptures. The second Greek word is rhema. Rhema is a fresh word of God for the moment for an individual or a church.  That expression or communication by God would be what we typically call a prophetic word for a person or a church or a word of knowledge in which the individual receives a revelation specific for himself or a situation he or she is dealing with. 

Interestingly, the Greek word in Romans 10:17, which declares that faith comes by hearing the word, is the word rhema.  Certainly, faith can and does come through reading the written word, since the word (logos) of God is active and living (Hebrews 4:12). But, in his letter to the Romans, Paul emphasizes the personal experience of hearing God speak to you as a major faith builder.

I still remember the first “prophetic word” ever spoken over me by a man I had never met and who knew nothing about me.  He referenced some experiences I had walked through in another church a year or two earlier.  He then spoke to some questions and personal conversations that my wife and I had talked about on the way to church that morning, and declared some of the things God was getting ready to do in my life.  The experience of hearing this man “read my mail” was amazing, but the greater impact on me was the confirmation that God truly was personally involved in my life and had actual feelings about the things that had happened to me.  My faith grew in that moment more than in years of Bible study and sermons. In many ways, logos teaches us about God, but rhema allows us to experience him.

Many of us have a general belief in the promises of God and a general belief that God loves us because he loves everyone.  Fewer of us actually believe that he is intimately involved in our lives and that his promises are for us personally, not just for the church as a whole.  When we begin to hear God, our view of him and ourselves changes.  Our faith becomes personal rather than general.

What we need to know is that God is speaking to us all the time in many different ways.  His goal is to develop an intimate relationship with us, so he reveals himself to us as a person who wants to build a friendship with us and even as a suitor wanting us to fall in love with him.  

When hearing God, we can make two mistakes.  The first is believing that God no longer speaks to his people except through the written word – which is what many churches teach.  If we believe that, then we will simply ignore his voice when we hear it or tune it out altogether. The second mistake is believing that God only speaks to us in one way, when he is actually revealing himself to us in many ways. 

Sometimes we hear the still small voice in our head and recognize it as something from the Father that the Holy Spirit is uploading spirit, into our conscious mind.  Occasionally, people still get to hear his audible voice.  At times, by his Spirit, he highlights a passage of scripture that takes hold if us and reveals a truth that changes us.  Sometimes he speaks to us through his people – the preacher, a group leader, a friend, an author,  a stranger, etc.  At other times, he reveals himself through his creation like an artist that has revealed his heart and his dreams in a painting.  He even reveals himself in the midst of terrible tragedy with a grace for the moment and a peace that passes understanding while we are sitting in a cold, sterile waiting room.  In a time of need, when we can feel as if God has abandoned us, he reveals his love through his people in every card, phone call, bouquet, and casserole that comes to our door in that time of need.  

When we recognize these rhema moments, it builds our faith … not just that God exists, but that he exists for us.  We discover, over and over, that he loves us personally and has a personal destiny in mind for each of just as any loving father would.  The average believer misses most of these communiques from heaven. Even those who believe God still speaks to us, may wonder why God hasn’t spoken to us lately because we tune into only one expression of himself to us.

We need to learn to recognize his voice and the revelation of himself to us on a daily basis – even an hourly basis.  We need to know that he is speaking, even when we don’t hear the small still voice or the thunder from heaven.  He shows himself to us in a sunrise, in a parking place when we need it, in a job that opened up for us, in a call from a friend, a dream at night, or another answered prayer.  These, and more, are all ways he is speaking to us. Listen for him, look for him, sense his quiet presence…and faith will grow.