In our ministry to brokenhearted people, we obviously see a lot of broken people. If I could identify one theme that runs through the lives of most of these men and women it would be an extreme amount of self-focus.  That self-focus is brought on by pain but it also amplifies the pain.

Think of it this way.  If you have ever gotten up in the middle of the night and tried to navigate your way through the house in the dark, you may have stubbed your toe on something hard and immovable.  If you did, you felt pain shooting up your leg and exploding into your brain.  Suddenly, all you were concerned about was that toe and the throbbing pain that was being broadcast from that little digit at the end of your foot.

In that moment, all you wanted to do was to soothe that toe – rub it, soak it, ice it – whatever.  The lights you left off so as not to disturb your spouse were then on and you were making enough noise to wake the dead or you were clinching your teeth tightly enough to bite through steel. In that moment, if your spouse had asked you to bring him/her a glass of water from the kitchen, you would have totally ignored the request or howled with pain, offended by the fact that your spouse was ignoring your intense anguish enough to even ask for water.

In the moment that makes sense. You are in pain.  Your total focus is on yourself and all you care about is finding relief and for others to acknowledge your pain and to help – or, at least, to express some sympathy. That little scenario has been experienced by many of us. I have also seen two different responses to the injury.  Some simply shake it off, wrap the toe with tape and get on with their day.  Others spend the day checking their toe every few minutes looking for deepening hues of purple and blue. They notice every ache as they walk across the floor and sense the pressure of their shoe against that toe for the very first time.  They begin to wonder if it’s broken or whether they will lose the nail. They tell everyone at the office or at school about their trauma in the dark and show their toe to anyone who will look.

Here is the question.  Is their toe more injured that the person who wrapped it and went on with their day or do they experience more pain because they are totally focused on the toe?  When we go to the doctor and he brings out the needle to give us a shot, we have learned to distract ourselves.  We look away from the needle and think of something else.  In doing so, we reduce the pain we feel because our focus is elsewhere. I believe that emotional pain and past trauma’s can also be amplified if we make it the central focus in our lives.

I’m not saying that emotional pain and brokenness are not real or that they don’t need to be healed.  They do.  Jesus made “healing the brokenhearted” a major focus in his ministry. In our freedom ministries at Mid-Cities we believe it is crucial to walking in freedom.  But the “how” of healing becomes the question. We should also ask, “How do I live while I am being healed?”

Jesus not only came to save us from our sins but to show us how to live healthy, joyful, and significant lives.  The New Testament instructs us to develop an “other” focus rather than a “me” focus in our lives. Our first focus is to be on the Lord.  “Love the Lord thy God with all your heart, soul strength and mind.”  We are then instructed to have an outward focus in caring for others.  In the N.T. we are commanded to love one another, pray for one another, serve one another, teach one another, encourage one another, build up one another, etc.  We are commanded to pray for the sick, seek the lost, and care for the pour and hurting.  All of these force our focus outward.

We are even called to be concerned about social justice issues.  Isaiah speaks for the Lord when he says, “Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?   “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard” (Isa.58:6-8).

Notice that healing is attached to a concern for others and action on their behalf.  The more wounded we are, the more intentional we should be about getting our focus off of ourselves and on to the needs of other people.  When we use our pain to minister to others, healing flows back in our direction.  When we choose to serve others, our pain is not as acute.  God understands our need for healing.  We do need to acknowledge our pain, lift it up to the Lord and ask his Spirit to touch our broken places for healing. We could even do that daily.  But having done it, God’s therapy plan is to shift our focus from ourselves to Jesus and to the needs of others.  We do so trusting God to do the healing he has promised without overseeing his work every minute of the day.

There is power in learning to give God our concerns and even our pain but then shifting our focus to the needs of others. It is the spiritual version of focusing elsewhere while the doctor puts a needle in our arms. It is also the way to emotional health, healing and significant ministry.  It is also the way of becoming more like Jesus. I lost my second wife to cancer after being married for twelve years.  On my way home from the funeral, God put it on my heart to stop and pray for another man whose wife was on the verge of death. It was a healing moment for me as well as for him.  My pain wasn’t the only pain in the world and this man had been married to his wife for fifty years. It helped to put my loss in perspective.  An outward focus does that. If you have been so focused on your own pain that you cannot notice the needs and hurts of others, please choose a different focus today.  It will bless you as much as them.