This past Sunday I was teaching our monthly class for those who want to be water baptized at our church. I was covering the spiritual symbolism of baptism but also talking about the pre-requisites to baptism which should include belief and repentance.  Everyone seemed to be fine with the repentance part until I mentioned forgiveness.  There was an audible gasp in the room which seemed to say, “Do I really have to forgive those people before I am baptized?!!!

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by the response. After all, Jesus had to speak to the issue of forgiveness on numerous occasions and even Peter asked how many times he had to forgive someone.  I also know from leading years of Free Indeed classes that most believers have forgiveness issues with someone.

At the same time, most of these men and women were familiar with the teachings of Jesus declaring if we don’t forgive those who sin against us, then our heavenly Father will not forgive our sins against him. But knowing that, these believers still found reasons to hold onto their bitterness and anger, as if their circumstance was unique and exempt from Christ’s command.

This is a very serious issue and I believe often rests on the assumption of many wounded people that somehow forgiveness benefits the perpetrator rather than the victim…which flies in the face of justice!  They assume that if they forgive, there will be no real consequences for the person who harmed them. I counseled with a woman years ago who had been severely abused both physically and verbally by her husband.  She had run away in terror, moved to another state, divorced him and then remarried.  She had married a good Christian man but frequently flew into rages at him and sliced and diced him with her tongue. She admitted he did not deserve any of that, but she couldn’t help herself.   

Her second marriage was on the brink of ruin when I started meeting with her. She was clearly taking the rage from her first marriage and dumping in on the new spouse.  Her bitterness from her previous marriage was poisoning her current marriage.  It wasn’t hurting her “ex” at all, but was destroying her and those she was trying to love. Eventually, I asked her when she was going to forgive her first husband.  She quickly and firmly informed me that she didn’t plan to forgive him and hoped he burned in hell for what he had done to her.  Ultimately, I discovered her deep-seated belief that if she ever forgave her “ex,” then God would forgive him and justice would never be served.

We then talked about Paul’s admonition to the church at Rome.  “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:17-21).

Paul knew some things about being persecuted, betrayed, abused, slandered and even stoned. And yet, he counseled forgiveness.  What he knew, however, was forgiveness is much more for the victim than the perpetrator. If the abuser does not repent of the wrongs they did to another person, God will deal with them.  Justice will be done.  You forgiving them does not get the perpetrator off the hook with God, it keeps Satan out of your living room.

Paul also wrote to the church at Ephesus saying, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26-27). The idea here is to resolve anger and bitterness quickly.  Forgiveness makes that possible.  Holding on to anger opens a door so that Satan can gain a foothold.  The word “foothold” in the original language means to give someone a territory, a status, or even a sanctuary for worship.  Paul warns us that unresolved anger and unforgiveness brings us into agreement with Satan and gives him a legal right to set up shop in our hearts.

Forgiveness may bless the person being forgiven, but it is primarily about guarding our own hearts, keeping Satan at bay, and not hindering the blessings that God would want to send our way.  It is about letting go of the pain we keep resurrecting in order to maintain our feud with the other person. It is about keeping bitterness from our hearts so that the bitterness does not destroy our other relationships.  Ultimately, it is a huge weapon in spiritual warfare because it prevents the enemy from gaining access to us and poisoning our own hearts which leads to other sin and more pain in our lives.  

If you are holding onto a hurt or a grudge, give it to Jesus.  Let him judge and dispense justice.  Move ahead with your life and close the door on an enemy who rejoices in your misery.

There is a truth that I believe we need to heed as followers of Jesus. First of all, we are saved and our salvation is quite secure in Christ. However, there are things we can do or not do as believers that will give the enemy access to us so that he can torment us, afflict us, or oppress us. I’m not saying that we lose our salvation if we are under demonic attack, but that the enemy can make this life harder than it needs to be if we give him an opening.

I think we understand that principle when it comes to obvious sin in our lives that goes unconfessed and unrepented. If we are living a life of sexual sin, we might recognize that as an open door for the enemy. If we begin to dabble in witchcraft or new age thinking, we might agree that those pursuits would open us up to the enemy as well. A lifestyle of drunkenness, drug addiction, adultery, theft, pornography, etc. can do the same. Most of us would recognize the spiritual danger in those lifestyles.

However, there are three verses that really challenge me and I think three things we might do or fail to do as believers that often go unnoticed while giving the enemy a legal right to afflict us. Let me quote these verses and then make a few comments.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:12-13.

All three of these scriptures apply to believers and, ultimately, reflect the condition of our hearts. When I take time to review my day, I often find that I have been guilty of these things in subtle ways. Have I really forgiven a person who I feel has wronged me or slighted me or do I maintain my distance as a subtle message of offense? Have I even tried to reconcile any issues between me and that person or do I prefer to just keep my distance? Oh, I can certainly justify my distance and my refusal to warm up to that person, but am I actually violating Christ’s commands to forgive, show mercy, and refrain from judgment? If I am failing in those areas, even though I have “my reasons,” Satan can use that in the courts of heaven to gain legal access to me.

Judging others can also be a tricky business. Is that just when I have judged someone I know (a spouse, a boss, a pastor, a neighbor) so that I put myself in a position of assumed moral or even intellectual superiority over another? Or is it at other less noticeable moments? How often do Christians sit in restaurants and even church and judge those around them whose children or unruly, who are dressing somewhat immodestly, who are too loud, etc. If we sit there and make snide or critical comments to our companions about those people we don’t even know, we have judged them to somehow be less than we are. Jesus says that our judgment against others will come back to us. To some degree, it may come back as demonic affliction because I am living out a subtle lifestyle of judgmentalism without repentance.

And then what about mercy? Mercy is an extension of grace and compassion to those who don’t have it coming. It is the story of the unmerciful steward who could not repay his master, was on the verge of being sold into slavery to pay the debt, and the master, in moment of mercy, simply forgave every cent that was owed. Do we withhold a generous tip because the waitperson didn’t refill our tea or got our order wrong? Or do we go ahead and tip well because we are going to be generous without cause because Jesus has been generous to us without cause? When someone borrows money from us and can’t repay, do we ever just forgive the debt because Jesus has forgiven our debt? That is the nature of mercy and Jesus warns that if his mercy has not touched our hearts so that we gladly extend it to others, we may face judgment without mercy.

That judgment may be in this life as a form of discipline, rather than when we stand before the Lord, but I would rather avoid the discipline of the Lord and would rather keep the enemy from gaining some legal access to harass me or my family. We live in such a culture of open criticism, pride, slander, and unrestrained verbal outbursts that we sometimes fail to recognize our own more subtle actions as sin. In comparison to the world around us, we feel pretty good about our thoughts and words, but the Word of God is our standard of comparison, not the people of the world.

I need the Holy Spirit to give me a solid nudge when I fall into a mindset that rationalizes withholding forgiveness, judging others, or withholding mercy. Those are open doors for the enemy that I can often fail to recognize. I know I am vulnerable to those things and, perhaps, you are too. I thought I would just run up the flag on this one and see if anyone else needed the reminder. I personally need to extend a great deal of mercy in this world because I have received so much from the Lord and so many others in my life. Remember, mercy triumphs over judgment.

Blessings in Him.

The Biblical Concept of Forgiveness

In Part 1 of this series, I mentioned that many followers of Jesus walk in unforgiveness towards those who wronged them in some way in their past.  They either are unaware of the command to forgive, misunderstand the nature of biblical forgiveness, or feel that their situation is the exception.  This is such a critical matter that I wanted to spend a few weeks clarifying this essential part of the believer’s life. 

As we consider what Jesus and the writers of the New Testament have to say about forgiveness, we learn that it is both an event and a process.  Many of the stories Jesus told to demonstrate the principle of forgiveness take the form of financial debts being owed and those debts being cancelled.  As an event, forgiveness is simply a decision of the will to forgive a debt.  It is a decision to no longer require payment for an actual wrong done to us as well as a decision to release the judgment of those who have wronged us to God.

In Matthew 18, Jesus paints a picture of the very nature of forgiveness as seen from the perspective of heaven. 

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents‍ ‍was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.” The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. ‍ He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.”   But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 

When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.  (Matt. 18:21-35)

The core idea of forgiveness is to release a debt.  It is not an act that minimizes the debt, denies the debt, or excuses the one who owes the debt.  It recognizes that a debt beyond measure has been cancelled on our behalf, and so we must be willing to do the same for others…even when they have not repented or asked for our forgiveness.   

Forgiveness is not primarily a decision of the emotions.  Initially, we will likely still carry some measure of anger, feelings of betrayal and victimization. In spite of our feelings, forgiveness is a decision of the will to no longer act in ways that make the person who hurt you pay for what he or she did. We cannot command our emotions, but we can choose to act in certain ways or refrain from acting in certain ways by a decision of the will.  We can choose how we think about another person or what we say about another person, even if our emotions are not always aligned with those actions and thoughts.

Until we forgive, we often attempt to make these individuals “pay” through our hurtful behaviors, which may include …

1.   Angry outbursts directed at the hurtful person.

2.   Withdrawal of loving behaviors or interaction from the one we believe wronged us.

3.   Gossip or slander that attempts to damage the reputation and relationships of the “hurtful” person with family members, co-workers, church members, etc.

4.   Hurtful actions motivated by a desire for revenge in an attempt to “even the score.”

5.  Constantly bringing up a past wrong in an accusing way months and years after it happened.

6.  Praying against the person or speaking curses over him/her.

7.   Etc.

Again, the first step, which is an event, is to make a decision to release the debt owed to you.  That decision means you will no longer act in ways designed to make the other person pay for what he or she has done.  You do this as a decision and as a declaration that the debt is cancelled in the name of Jesus.  Doing so acknowledges your motivation for forgiving the debt and affirms what Jesus has done for you.  Along with this, you commit to no longer act in hurtful ways towards those who have hurt you.  

Paul spoke about this in his letter to the Romans.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.   Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.   On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.  Romans 12: 17-21

Notice that this section of scripture instructs us to act in loving or caring ways even towards “our enemies,” while assuring us that God will still deal with evil.  We simply turn judgment over to Him rather than acting as judges ourselves.  As we release judgment to God, we also release ourselves from the bitterness and anger we must keep alive as we try to punish those who wounded us.  

We may or may not overcome evil in the other person by our goodness or kindness, but we overcome the effects of evil in our own hearts by our forgiveness. As we forgive, we release the poison of our hurt and anger so that bitterness, self-pity, and vengeance do not take root in our own hearts.  That anger and bitterness will eventually spill over into our other relationships – even those that are important to us.

Many years ago, I counseled a woman who had been severely abused and terrorized by her ex-husband.  She had married again. She acknowledged that her second husband was a wonderful man, but she would fly into rages and cut him deeply with her words for seemingly no reason at all. The marriage was on the brink of collapse when she came to see me.  It didn’t take long to recognize that her problem was that she had not forgiven her first husband and was releasing her anger and bitterness toward him on her second husband on a daily basis. She quickly recognized what was happening, but couldn’t seem to help herself because she would not forgive her abusive husband.  Not only did she not want to forgive him, but declared in no uncertain terms, “I hope he burns in hell for what he did to me!”   There is a better ending that I swill tell you about later.  

There is always a blessing found in our obedience to God, even if it seems counterintuitive. Here is the blessing found in forgiving those who have wounded us.  Forgiveness releases us from our need to make the offending person pay their debt and allows us to lay aside the pain that we continue to keep alive as we constantly remember the hurt.  Until we forgive, we are tied to our past and tied to those who wounded us.  

In many ways, we continue to allow them to control us as our anger, bitterness, and desire for revenge tie us to them…even after their death.  We become prisoners of our own unforgiveness.  God wants to release us from that control by taking healing the hurt and presiding over the judgment of that wrong, so it no longer is a significant thread in our lives.  In many cases, forgiveness is for our benefit much more than for theirs.  Of course, it may open the door for reconciliation of a relationship, but even if it doesn’t, we can step into our future untethered to the past because we allow God to preside over the matter rather than us.  The first stage of forgiveness then is an event in which we choose to release the debt…not because our betrayers deserve it, but because the one who died for us, deserves it. 

Discussion / Reflection:  

Who are you still tied to in your past because you have not released the judgment and the matter to God?

How has your continuing bitterness and anger affected your happiness and important relationships through the years?

How would your life be better, if you never again had to think about the event or the person who wounded you?

How do you think your unforgiveness toward someone or even some organization has opened the door in your life for Satan to afflict and torment you?

How will you shut that door?

Next Week: The Process of Forgiveness

As Christians, I think that we often believe that other followers of Jesus understand the necessity to forgive those who have betrayed them and so they have actually done so.  However, every time we do a Freedom Weekend, I discover that many, many Christians have not forgiven those who have wronged them…even though God says he will not forgive our sins unless we forgive those who have wronged us.  Unforgiveness not only lets the devil in, but restricts the blessings and answered prayers that God desires to give us.

Any unforgiveness we carry, is always an open door for the enemy to disrupt our lives.  Because of that, I feel compelled to do a short series on forgiveness and the freedom we can find personally by obeying the Lord is this essential matter.  I want you to treat this as a kind of personal study and inventory of your own life regarding forgiveness.  You might even do a mini-study with a small group and explore some of the Discussion/Reflection questions about forgiveness with others. 

I have also discovered through the years that many believers are confused about biblical forgiveness. Sometimes we think we have forgiven someone when we haven’t and, at other times, we think we haven’t forgiven someone when, perhaps, we have.  Knowing the biblical definition of forgiveness and understanding why we sometimes choose not to forgive can be helpful in being obedient in this matter.  Practical steps in knowing how to move from bitterness to forgiveness can also be very helpful.  We will discuss all of this in the next few weeks on this blog. 

Freedom Through Forgiveness

The New Testament has a great deal to say about forgiveness.  The two following texts are a sample and should be very sobering to any of us who have been careless with forgiveness.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  Matthew 6:14-15

Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger, his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. Matthew 18:32-35

Discussion / Reflection:  Spend some time responding personally to these questions or discussing them with a friend(s). 

• How would you define forgiveness?   
• Do you think it is fair for God to insist that you forgive people who have hurt you or keep hurting you? Why or why not?
• For you personally, why is it sometimes hard to forgive?
• Is there ever a time to withhold forgiveness?
• Does forgiving a person require that you let that person back in to your life?

God’s Way to Freedom

Christ doesn’t command us to do something that he himself has not done.  He commanded forgiveness as he taught the crowds in Palestine, but then gave us the ultimate example when he was hanging on a cross – having been unjustly accused, brutalized, and sentenced to death.

When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals-one on his right, the other on his left.  Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  Luke 23:33-34

Notice that Jesus did not forgive Israel because the leaders had come to him asking for his forgiveness.  The leaders of the Jews felt totally justified in what they had done.  Yet Jesus forgave them and prayed for the Father to do the same.  That is the heart of God and so he calls on us to forgive others…not because they deserve it, but because He has done that for us.  The following scriptures reflect the biblical theme of forgiving those who have hurt us.

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matthew 6:12 

 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.   Matthew 18:21-22 

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.   Mark 11:25 

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.   Colossians  3:13-14 

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.   Luke 6:37 

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

Discussion / Reflection:  What is your emotional response to those commands?

For many of us who have been wounded and betrayed by others, we feel ourselves pushing back against God in this matter.  Something feels wrong about releasing people from the wrongs they have done.  When we think about forgiving, we feel vulnerable. We feel as if God is minimizing our pain or invalidating our suffering.  We feel as if justice has been ignored.  We are afraid that forgiveness will open the door to them hurting us again. But, a look at the biblical concept of forgiveness will help us see the wisdom and blessing that come to us through releasing the debt that these people owe us.

Next Week:  The Biblical Concept of Forgiveness