If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I haveforgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.  2 Corinthians 2:9-11

In his letter to the church at Corinth, Paul is referencing an individual the church had dealt with through church discipline. Paul believed that the discipline (no fellowship with the unrepentant sinner) had done its work, so he invited the church to restore the individual and forgive any offenses that had occurred because of the events surrounding that person. He links the plea to forgive with the schemes of Satan.

Even though scripture is clear that we must forgive others or God will not forgive us, many believers still hold onto unforgiveness.  This issue is often magnified during holidays when family hurts come to the surface.  Holidays make us sentimental about families. We watch the Hallmark channel and wonder why our Christmas can’t look like that.  When we think of a family member that wounded us, it is easy to resent that person and have some bitterness toward them.  Not only did he or she wrong us, but they stole the possibility of having a Hallmark Christmas.  Once the embers of that unforgiveness begin to smolder again, Satan is sure to pour gasoline on the fire. If we come into agreement with Satan by renewing our anger,  bitterness, and blame, we give him an open door to our soul.  

Paul addresses this issue in his letter to Ephesus. Paul counsels them, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26-27).  Paul’s counsel is to deal with the emotion of anger quickly.  To fail to do so will give the enemy permission to set up camp in your life.  In other words, if you detect unforgiveness in your heart, deal with it quickly.  I know I have pointed this out before, but the word translated “foothold” means territory, a place of legal standing, or even a sanctuary for worship.  If we refuse to forgive even those who have hurt us deeply, it opens a door for the enemy which begins as a foothold but may end as a stronghold. 

If you have struggled with forgiving a family member who hurt you in the past or who keeps hurting you in the present, guard your heart during the holidays.  Satan will scheme to rekindle your anger and bitterness and gain a legal right to torment or oppress you.  He may do this in several ways.

First of all, he may send a spirit to reinforce a feeling that you have been victimized.  This “person” has wounded you and taken away your Hallmark moment.  Victims always feel justified in their bitterness and unforgiveness.  Victims feel as if the “victimizer” needs to pay for their wrongs….to make reparations for the pain they inflicted.  It is easy to feel as if you are exempt from God’s command to forgive, because you are a “victim.”  God says that in Christ you are more than a conqueror, but you deny that truth if you paint yourself as a victim.  You may have been victimized, but that should not determine your identity now.

Secondly, Satan may prompt the hurtful person in your life to “stir the pot” once again by acting in ways that rekindle your hurt and your anger.  This may look like more manipulation surrounding the holidays or the same criticisms or rejection from a person who will be at a family gathering or something worse. You may need to prepare yourself for those moments, avoid the moment altogether, or limit your time around the hurtful person so that Satan does not get to you through them. Ask God to give you wisdom for the situation and to guard your heart against receiving the hurt or to insulate your heart from the effects of that individual.  

You may want to view that person as very broken rather than as an enemy who is always out to get you.  These people are pawns of Satan he is using to attack you. That is his scheme. Jesus instructs us (commands us) to love our enemies. The word he uses for “love” is agape which is not an emotion or even a positive feeling.  It is a decision of the will to always act in the best interest of the other person or to always act in the most redemptive way towards them.  In the same way, forgiveness is a decision to let Jesus judge them, rather than you, and to no longer act in ways that make them pay for what they did to you.  In Luke 6, Jesus goes further and instructs us to pray for our enemies, speak well of them, bless them and do good to them even while they are a continuing source of pain and betrayal.  

The process is much more for your benefit than for theirs.  It keeps bitterness at bay and keeps your heart from being poisoned by the enemy.  Before the holidays, be proactive.  Begin to pray for your enemy.  Ask thy Lord to help you see them as victims of Satan rather than your sworn enemy.  If it is not physically or emotionally safe to be around the person, you can love them from a distance.  Forgiveness is required but reconciliation is conditional.  Ask for wisdom and ask the Lord to replace in your life what the enemy has stolen through a hurtful person.

The key here is to recognize the schemes of the enemy and not to let unforgiveness give him a key to your front door. Be smarter than the devil.  When we submit to Jesus, he becomes our defender and our hedge of protection.  Guard your heart during this season of “perfect families” and Hallmark moments and forgive again at the first sign of malice, bitterness, or the feelings of being victimized. Ask the Lord to place you in a spiritual family if you cannot be with your own and let him love you through them during this holiday season. 

God has a heart for reconciliation. The word doesn’t appear that often in scripture, but when it does it is profound.

For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:10-11.

His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Ephesians 2:15-18

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God… 2 Corinthians 5:18-20

To reconcile means to restore a relationship by recreating a state of harmony that existed before. Jesus died that we might be reconciled to God. In order for reconciliation to be on the table, we had to have once been in a state of harmony with God and then that state had to be ruptured so we were then alienated. This, of course, takes us back to the Garden when Adam and Eve were in a perfect relationship with God until sin caused Adam and Eve to be driven from the Garden and from the physical presence of God.

Suddenly, in an act of rebellion, man found himself at odds with God. Where intimacy and peace had reigned before…tension, animosity, distrust, distance, and alienation became the norm in man’s relationship with God. Like the prodigal son, we turned our backs on the goodness of our Father and chose to go our own way, even to the point off denying the existence of God or giving our hearts to other “gods.” God didn’t leave us, we left him. He had every right to write us off and never give us another thought, but our God has persistently pursued reconciliation with us even at the cost of his Son. It is the nature if God to reconcile if at all possible.

God hates division. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Those qualities are the fruit of the Spirit that arise from the nature of God. It is his desire that our relationship with him reflect those qualities. It is also his desire that those qualities reflect our relationships with other people. God is always working toward reconciliation and restoration of relationships. He is serious about us doing the same.
since Covid, we have had a noticeable uptick in funerals in our community…many of them for relatively young people. But what I have noticed is how many have died alienated from those they should be closest to.

Some have been suicides, others overdoses, others “wildfire” cancers in relatively young men and women that took them in weeks or few months rather than years, others car wrecks, and so forth. All unexpected. When death has come, and reconciliation has not occurred, it leaves the survivors with guilt, regret, and anger as well as grief. That is not God’s will for his people.

Jesus taught, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Mt.5:21-24).

Notice that God is so concerned about us reconciling our differences with others that he instructed us to reconcile our relationships before even attempting to worship. If our hearts are full of unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, blaming, or pride, it will hinder our prayers and our worship. He instructs us to make every effort to reconcile damaged relationships as a top priority in life. We cannot control how the other person responds to our efforts to restore harmony to the relationship, but God wants to make sure that we have made a genuine effort to do so.

God wants us to extend to others what he has extended us. He has offered peace and reconciliation to us through his Son and wants us to have the same heart toward those who have wounded us. He also wants what is best for us and will bring the greatest blessing. As I have watched the tears roll and seen the regret at numerous funerals where alienated family members never resolved their relationship, I know however much effort it took to reconcile would have been worth it. If we are going to be godly or godlike, we must be reconcilers. It is much easier to do that at the beginning of a hurt rather than after years of resentment and bitterness. Let me encourage you. If you have broken relationships and have not tried in good faith to reconcile, do so. It is God’s will for you and you will be blessed because of it. Pray for wisdom, pray for courage, pray for peace and reach out.

There is a truth that I believe we need to heed as followers of Jesus. First of all, we are saved and our salvation is quite secure in Christ. However, there are things we can do or not do as believers that will give the enemy access to us so that he can torment us, afflict us, or oppress us. I’m not saying that we lose our salvation if we are under demonic attack, but that the enemy can make this life harder than it needs to be if we give him an opening.

I think we understand that principle when it comes to obvious sin in our lives that goes unconfessed and unrepented. If we are living a life of sexual sin, we might recognize that as an open door for the enemy. If we begin to dabble in witchcraft or new age thinking, we might agree that those pursuits would open us up to the enemy as well. A lifestyle of drunkenness, drug addiction, adultery, theft, pornography, etc. can do the same. Most of us would recognize the spiritual danger in those lifestyles.

However, there are three verses that really challenge me and I think three things we might do or fail to do as believers that often go unnoticed while giving the enemy a legal right to afflict us. Let me quote these verses and then make a few comments.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:12-13.

All three of these scriptures apply to believers and, ultimately, reflect the condition of our hearts. When I take time to review my day, I often find that I have been guilty of these things in subtle ways. Have I really forgiven a person who I feel has wronged me or slighted me or do I maintain my distance as a subtle message of offense? Have I even tried to reconcile any issues between me and that person or do I prefer to just keep my distance? Oh, I can certainly justify my distance and my refusal to warm up to that person, but am I actually violating Christ’s commands to forgive, show mercy, and refrain from judgment? If I am failing in those areas, even though I have “my reasons,” Satan can use that in the courts of heaven to gain legal access to me.

Judging others can also be a tricky business. Is that just when I have judged someone I know (a spouse, a boss, a pastor, a neighbor) so that I put myself in a position of assumed moral or even intellectual superiority over another? Or is it at other less noticeable moments? How often do Christians sit in restaurants and even church and judge those around them whose children or unruly, who are dressing somewhat immodestly, who are too loud, etc. If we sit there and make snide or critical comments to our companions about those people we don’t even know, we have judged them to somehow be less than we are. Jesus says that our judgment against others will come back to us. To some degree, it may come back as demonic affliction because I am living out a subtle lifestyle of judgmentalism without repentance.

And then what about mercy? Mercy is an extension of grace and compassion to those who don’t have it coming. It is the story of the unmerciful steward who could not repay his master, was on the verge of being sold into slavery to pay the debt, and the master, in moment of mercy, simply forgave every cent that was owed. Do we withhold a generous tip because the waitperson didn’t refill our tea or got our order wrong? Or do we go ahead and tip well because we are going to be generous without cause because Jesus has been generous to us without cause? When someone borrows money from us and can’t repay, do we ever just forgive the debt because Jesus has forgiven our debt? That is the nature of mercy and Jesus warns that if his mercy has not touched our hearts so that we gladly extend it to others, we may face judgment without mercy.

That judgment may be in this life as a form of discipline, rather than when we stand before the Lord, but I would rather avoid the discipline of the Lord and would rather keep the enemy from gaining some legal access to harass me or my family. We live in such a culture of open criticism, pride, slander, and unrestrained verbal outbursts that we sometimes fail to recognize our own more subtle actions as sin. In comparison to the world around us, we feel pretty good about our thoughts and words, but the Word of God is our standard of comparison, not the people of the world.

I need the Holy Spirit to give me a solid nudge when I fall into a mindset that rationalizes withholding forgiveness, judging others, or withholding mercy. Those are open doors for the enemy that I can often fail to recognize. I know I am vulnerable to those things and, perhaps, you are too. I thought I would just run up the flag on this one and see if anyone else needed the reminder. I personally need to extend a great deal of mercy in this world because I have received so much from the Lord and so many others in my life. Remember, mercy triumphs over judgment.

Blessings in Him.

We have been talking about the necessity and the act of forgiveness in which we decide and declare that we freely release someone from their debt to us.  Forgiveness is also a process.  Our decision to forgive is an act of obedience to God. That first step of forgiveness is a decision of the will not of our emotions.  That step takes away the enemy’s legal right to afflict us.  

When Jesus tells us to love our enemies, he is not telling us to like them, approve of them, or have warm fuzzy feelings toward them.  He commands us to agape our enemies which means to “act in their best interest” or “to act in a redemptive way” toward them.  He is calling us to make decisions to act in the eternal best interest of our enemies, regardless of how we feel. That is a decision of the will because we have the capacity to choose our decisions, but not always our emotions.  

However, God does not leave it there. The second part of forgiveness is a process of bringing our emotions in line with our decision to release the judgment of the matter to God.  The key is found in Luke 6.  There Jesus says:

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. 

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love yourenemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your father is merciful. 

In this section of Luke’s gospel, Jesus reveals the real key to letting go of the past.  It is not enough to refrain from making others pay for what they did to us, we must also choose to do good, even while they are still doing harmful things to us.

Our emotions will only follow our decisions after some time has passed.  Typically, we will decide to no longer require payment for wrongs done to us, long before our emotions agree with that decision.  Our emotions will follow only after God’s Spirit has moved in our hearts, and after we have consistently chosen to act positively toward those who have hurt us.   We may have to recommit to the process on numerous occasions.  Our motivation is to duplicate in our own lives the mercy that has been extended to us by God.

As we choose to bless those who curse us, do good to those who did us harm, and pray for those who mistreat us, our hearts change.  All I can say is that when we are obedient in this matter, God does a work in our hearts.  As we are obedient, we begin to see the people who hurt us in a different light.  We remember that our struggle is not truly against flesh and blood (people) but against spiritual powers (the devil).  We begin to see their brokenness and the way the devil oppresses and uses them rather than seeing them as the true enemy.  

Praying for our enemies softens our hearts so that bitterness doesn’t take root. Doing good to them is participating in the triumph of good over evil and we draw closer to Jesus because we are being more like him.  Again, our prayers, blessings, and doing good may or may not bring about blessings for them, but they will definitely bring about good for us.

Anger, bitterness, and resentment limit our ability to give love and receive it from others.  Those negative emotions hinder our ability to trust and to draw near to others – even those we want to love.  They hinder our capacity for intimacy and often spill out on those we are closest to, which pushes them away and ultimately robs us of the love we desperately want..  Forgiveness truly frees us from the pain we carry from our past and the bondage we have to bitterness or the crippling fear of being hurt again.  

If that is so, why do so many believers hold onto unforgiveness even though we are commanded to forgive and even though we may understand the benefits at a rational level?  I believe that we hold onto unforgiveness because we believe it will protect us from being hurt again.  We hold on out of fear.  Next week we will look at the reasons we hold on and expose the deception in those strategies to keep us from further pain.