Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of allcomfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

The holidays can be a wonderful season filled with good food, good memories, and the joy of family and friends.  They can also be a time of stark pain for those who have just lost loved ones or who have suffered some other trauma.  The holidays highlight life as it should be. But they also magnify the empty places around the table, the pain of a serious diagnosis, or the loss of a job when you could least afford it.

I have been part of many funerals that fell in November and December… just a few days ago a five-day old little girl. Unfortunately, the feelings of pain and sorrow will be anchored to holidays for years to come. With Silver Bells and Silent Night will also come painful memories and questions about what might have been.  

In those moments, the passage above can be enormously helpful.  We are reminded that God is a God of compassion and comfort.  Compassion means that he feels our pain. He feels with us. He has genuine empathy for what we are going through.  Perhaps, he put himself in our place as he watched his beloved Son ridiculed, spit upon, suffering, and nailed to a cross.  If we think God sat on his throne watching what was going on emotionally detached, we have missed the point entirely. I am convinced he suffered with his Son. Jesus wept at the grave of Lazarus, not because Lazarus was gone but because he felt the pain of those around him.  He is a God who can be touched by our pain.

The word translated “comfort” comes from the same word used to describe the Holy Spirit –  paraklete.  It is a word that means one who is called alongside to comfort, encourage, give solace, console, or alleviate sorrow. It is one who gives emotional support in times of loss or crisis. On dark nights we need a God of compassion and comfort.  Sometimes he shows up in the form of people who care about you so please don’t turn them away in your sorrow or isolate yourself.  Sometimes he shows up as the Holy Spirit speaks hope and comfort to your mind and heart.  When you are hurting…ask for God, look for God.  He is around you if you have eyes to see and ears to hear.  

Paul goes on to say that we are to comfort others with the comfort we have received.  I realized years ago that our healing is never complete until we help others heal. The thing that qualifies us for that ministry is our own suffering.  When real trauma visits us, we often ask “Why?” We wonder why God would allow such a thing in our lives or in the life of someone we love. We rarely get a clear answer to that question, but God does tell us how we can redeem the pain and give it meaning.  We do so by helping others through the same briar patch we just passed through ourselves.  

This holiday season may be a painful reminder to you of what you have lost…a loved one, a marriage, a career, your health, or your purpose. You may be a few years away from helping others. But the God of compassion and the God of all comfort, is nearby for scripture declares that God is close to the brokenhearted (Ps. 34:18). Lean on Him.  Go to church.  Call a friend who understands where you are at.   Don’t isolate yourself because that makes you an easy target for the enemy. There may be moments when you wonder if God actually loves you. He does, but most often he will love you through his people.  Plan ahead.  Put yourself in places where you can be encouraged and supported.  Most of all, cry out to God when the pain rushes in.  He is not detached and he is not far away.

If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I haveforgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.  2 Corinthians 2:9-11

In his letter to the church at Corinth, Paul is referencing an individual the church had dealt with through church discipline. Paul believed that the discipline (no fellowship with the unrepentant sinner) had done its work, so he invited the church to restore the individual and forgive any offenses that had occurred because of the events surrounding that person. He links the plea to forgive with the schemes of Satan.

Even though scripture is clear that we must forgive others or God will not forgive us, many believers still hold onto unforgiveness.  This issue is often magnified during holidays when family hurts come to the surface.  Holidays make us sentimental about families. We watch the Hallmark channel and wonder why our Christmas can’t look like that.  When we think of a family member that wounded us, it is easy to resent that person and have some bitterness toward them.  Not only did he or she wrong us, but they stole the possibility of having a Hallmark Christmas.  Once the embers of that unforgiveness begin to smolder again, Satan is sure to pour gasoline on the fire. If we come into agreement with Satan by renewing our anger,  bitterness, and blame, we give him an open door to our soul.  

Paul addresses this issue in his letter to Ephesus. Paul counsels them, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26-27).  Paul’s counsel is to deal with the emotion of anger quickly.  To fail to do so will give the enemy permission to set up camp in your life.  In other words, if you detect unforgiveness in your heart, deal with it quickly.  I know I have pointed this out before, but the word translated “foothold” means territory, a place of legal standing, or even a sanctuary for worship.  If we refuse to forgive even those who have hurt us deeply, it opens a door for the enemy which begins as a foothold but may end as a stronghold. 

If you have struggled with forgiving a family member who hurt you in the past or who keeps hurting you in the present, guard your heart during the holidays.  Satan will scheme to rekindle your anger and bitterness and gain a legal right to torment or oppress you.  He may do this in several ways.

First of all, he may send a spirit to reinforce a feeling that you have been victimized.  This “person” has wounded you and taken away your Hallmark moment.  Victims always feel justified in their bitterness and unforgiveness.  Victims feel as if the “victimizer” needs to pay for their wrongs….to make reparations for the pain they inflicted.  It is easy to feel as if you are exempt from God’s command to forgive, because you are a “victim.”  God says that in Christ you are more than a conqueror, but you deny that truth if you paint yourself as a victim.  You may have been victimized, but that should not determine your identity now.

Secondly, Satan may prompt the hurtful person in your life to “stir the pot” once again by acting in ways that rekindle your hurt and your anger.  This may look like more manipulation surrounding the holidays or the same criticisms or rejection from a person who will be at a family gathering or something worse. You may need to prepare yourself for those moments, avoid the moment altogether, or limit your time around the hurtful person so that Satan does not get to you through them. Ask God to give you wisdom for the situation and to guard your heart against receiving the hurt or to insulate your heart from the effects of that individual.  

You may want to view that person as very broken rather than as an enemy who is always out to get you.  These people are pawns of Satan he is using to attack you. That is his scheme. Jesus instructs us (commands us) to love our enemies. The word he uses for “love” is agape which is not an emotion or even a positive feeling.  It is a decision of the will to always act in the best interest of the other person or to always act in the most redemptive way towards them.  In the same way, forgiveness is a decision to let Jesus judge them, rather than you, and to no longer act in ways that make them pay for what they did to you.  In Luke 6, Jesus goes further and instructs us to pray for our enemies, speak well of them, bless them and do good to them even while they are a continuing source of pain and betrayal.  

The process is much more for your benefit than for theirs.  It keeps bitterness at bay and keeps your heart from being poisoned by the enemy.  Before the holidays, be proactive.  Begin to pray for your enemy.  Ask thy Lord to help you see them as victims of Satan rather than your sworn enemy.  If it is not physically or emotionally safe to be around the person, you can love them from a distance.  Forgiveness is required but reconciliation is conditional.  Ask for wisdom and ask the Lord to replace in your life what the enemy has stolen through a hurtful person.

The key here is to recognize the schemes of the enemy and not to let unforgiveness give him a key to your front door. Be smarter than the devil.  When we submit to Jesus, he becomes our defender and our hedge of protection.  Guard your heart during this season of “perfect families” and Hallmark moments and forgive again at the first sign of malice, bitterness, or the feelings of being victimized. Ask the Lord to place you in a spiritual family if you cannot be with your own and let him love you through them during this holiday season.