This past Sunday I was teaching our monthly class for those who want to be water baptized at our church. I was covering the spiritual symbolism of baptism but also talking about the pre-requisites to baptism which should include belief and repentance.  Everyone seemed to be fine with the repentance part until I mentioned forgiveness.  There was an audible gasp in the room which seemed to say, “Do I really have to forgive those people before I am baptized?!!!

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by the response. After all, Jesus had to speak to the issue of forgiveness on numerous occasions and even Peter asked how many times he had to forgive someone.  I also know from leading years of Free Indeed classes that most believers have forgiveness issues with someone.

At the same time, most of these men and women were familiar with the teachings of Jesus declaring if we don’t forgive those who sin against us, then our heavenly Father will not forgive our sins against him. But knowing that, these believers still found reasons to hold onto their bitterness and anger, as if their circumstance was unique and exempt from Christ’s command.

This is a very serious issue and I believe often rests on the assumption of many wounded people that somehow forgiveness benefits the perpetrator rather than the victim…which flies in the face of justice!  They assume that if they forgive, there will be no real consequences for the person who harmed them. I counseled with a woman years ago who had been severely abused both physically and verbally by her husband.  She had run away in terror, moved to another state, divorced him and then remarried.  She had married a good Christian man but frequently flew into rages at him and sliced and diced him with her tongue. She admitted he did not deserve any of that, but she couldn’t help herself.   

Her second marriage was on the brink of ruin when I started meeting with her. She was clearly taking the rage from her first marriage and dumping in on the new spouse.  Her bitterness from her previous marriage was poisoning her current marriage.  It wasn’t hurting her “ex” at all, but was destroying her and those she was trying to love. Eventually, I asked her when she was going to forgive her first husband.  She quickly and firmly informed me that she didn’t plan to forgive him and hoped he burned in hell for what he had done to her.  Ultimately, I discovered her deep-seated belief that if she ever forgave her “ex,” then God would forgive him and justice would never be served.

We then talked about Paul’s admonition to the church at Rome.  “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:17-21).

Paul knew some things about being persecuted, betrayed, abused, slandered and even stoned. And yet, he counseled forgiveness.  What he knew, however, was forgiveness is much more for the victim than the perpetrator. If the abuser does not repent of the wrongs they did to another person, God will deal with them.  Justice will be done.  You forgiving them does not get the perpetrator off the hook with God, it keeps Satan out of your living room.

Paul also wrote to the church at Ephesus saying, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26-27). The idea here is to resolve anger and bitterness quickly.  Forgiveness makes that possible.  Holding on to anger opens a door so that Satan can gain a foothold.  The word “foothold” in the original language means to give someone a territory, a status, or even a sanctuary for worship.  Paul warns us that unresolved anger and unforgiveness brings us into agreement with Satan and gives him a legal right to set up shop in our hearts.

Forgiveness may bless the person being forgiven, but it is primarily about guarding our own hearts, keeping Satan at bay, and not hindering the blessings that God would want to send our way.  It is about letting go of the pain we keep resurrecting in order to maintain our feud with the other person. It is about keeping bitterness from our hearts so that the bitterness does not destroy our other relationships.  Ultimately, it is a huge weapon in spiritual warfare because it prevents the enemy from gaining access to us and poisoning our own hearts which leads to other sin and more pain in our lives.  

If you are holding onto a hurt or a grudge, give it to Jesus.  Let him judge and dispense justice.  Move ahead with your life and close the door on an enemy who rejoices in your misery.