Jim (not his real name) was, at one time, a well-known church leader in our area who ministered  to homosexuals in our area because he was once heavily involved in “the life” himself. God had delivered him. Jim had what seems to be a standard story for men who have fallen into homosexuality. As a young boy, he was molested by an older man and as a result developed profound confusion and shame about his own masculinity and his own sexuality. He began with homosexual experiences in high school. Those accelerated in college. Jim was a Christian who attended church and served faithfully in his church. He had a leadership gift so he was expected to marry, have kids, and succeed in life. He did just that but; in addition, he had a secret life and a secret struggle in which he was not succeeding. After being married for a number of years he gave into his secret, abandoned his family, set his faith aside,  and embraced an openly homosexual lifestyle. However, his family and friends did not give up on him and neither did the Lord.

After two years of living out his homosexual yearnings he repented, returned to his faith and family, confessed everything to his church, and began to walk in sexual purity as the Lord gave him strength. If you ask Jim, it took the Lord, his family, and his church to overcome his homosexuality.

First, through serious Bible study he was convinced that homosexuality is sin regardless of what the homosexual lobby declares. His openness finally took his sin out of the dark and brought it into the light so others could pray and help. His wife, who had continued to pray for him after he left her and his children, forgave him and took him back knowing that the road ahead would not be easy.

Jim will tell you that what he needed most was absolute truth and absolute love in his life and men who showed him how to have godly friendships with other men without sexual overtones. Jim told a group of pastors one time that when he was young he really didn’t understand what it meant to be a man. He said the world of men fascinated him but he just couldn’t  crack the code for entry into that world.

By nature, Jim was sensitive and artistic but didn’t find many masculine models for men with those traits. After being molested, his confusion was even greater. However, when he returned to his church and family, the men in his congregation affirmed his masculinity and began to introduce him to other parts of the masculine world that were foreign to him such as sports, hunting, fishing, etc. They made Jim part of the group, extended healthy hugs, let him ask questions without embarrassment and, in essence, let his latent masculinity develop at his own pace.

Over time, the old man diminished and the new man flourished. His yearnings for sexual encounters with men went away and he learned to enjoy a sexual relationship with his wife. He is still serving the Lord today but his “old identity” no longer defines him. Jim is a man who was set free by love, the work of the Holy Spirit over time, and learning what it meant to be a godly man through friendships with other godly men. Jim never experienced any kind of demonic deliverance but still found freedom through openness and a committed church and family.

Jim believes that, in addition to the molestation he experienced as a young man, he also had a genetic predisposition toward homosexuality. We need to be clear that God does not make us with that predisposition, rather when we live in a fallen world many things are broken and damaged as well as our genetics. Because I have a predisposition to something at birth does not make it God’s will for me  to give into those predispositions. I was born with a predisposition toward lust, lying, selfishness, and laziness. As I got older, those intensified because of my fallen nature until I submitted those sins to the cross and the Holy Spirit.

As Christians, we are called to overcome those predispositions by the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s divine weapons. If something is called sin in the Bible then God provides a way out. It may be a truth encounter, a deliverance session, a spiritual family who prays for us and models healthy gender roles, or even the supernatural healing of damaged genes.   In the meantime, God calls us to resist those temptations with his strength until we find freedom from those obsessive promptings.   As a heterosexual, I am called to live a celibate life if single or a faithful life if married. I am called to tell the truth when it seems easier to lie and to avoid drunkenness when I want to medicate some disappointment in my life. I am called to submit rather than demanding my way and to forgive those I would rather reject.  Homosexual leanings fall into the same category.

A person can have homosexual leanings or temptations, not give into them, and still be pleasing to the Lord just as a heterosexual  can have strong desires for someone to whom he or she is not married,  not give into the impulses,  and still be pleasing to God. If any temptation has become an uncontrollable obsession then the believer has fallen into some form of bondage and deliverance is probably in order.  But with every temptation the Lord provides a door of escape. “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Cor.10:13).  We can find that door  if we sincerely seek it.

Homosexuality is not a new sin that has taken God by surprise. In our generation, the church must be clear that it is sin while at the same time creating an atmosphere where this sin can be confessed like all other sins and God’s remedies applied. I’m sure there are issues I have not spoken to related to homosexuality but, perhaps, some of the stories I have shared will be helpful to some. Be blessed.